Snakes or ladders

One thing I have had cause to reflect on recently is the quality and genuineness of the people in my life.

When you become a single person (particularly a single parent) after being in a long term relationship for all of your adult life, it can be a lonely place. Your friends and family become more important.

Recently I have noticed that two of my friends were being extremely cliquey together. It is hard to explain but the atmosphere changed. We all went ice skating together with our kids and my son wanted to spectate rather than skate as he is not confident at all. My friend nagged and harassed me about it, saying I should force him to skate. After I had told her no about 7 times she started to nag and harass him directly when I wasn’t looking. I was a little abrupt with her because she was telling him that he was upsetting me by not skating and I said “no I’m not upset by that, you are”. Anyway, I saw her and my other friend exchanging “looks” and basically I felt really uncomfortable and ganged up on during the whole outing. My friend did kind of apologise and we made plans for her to pick me up to go to slimming club 3 days later so I believed the situation was resolved. A few hours after the ice skating trip, my friend posted a meme on Facebook about parents being too soft on their kids. It was really quite a horrible meme and even though I can not 100% prove it – I know it was aimed at me. My other friend “liked” it. So I realised maybe the situation was not resolved.

The day for slimming club came and went and she didn’t turn up or contact me. That was 4 weeks ago and I have had no contact from either of them at all. They have been in each other’s pockets as I can see on Facebook. On Friday my other friend who knows them both came over to my house. She’s my oldest friend from school, Becky. I’ve known her 27 years. She said that my friend (the one exchanging looks) had told her she thought something was wrong with me and I was being funny and weird and maybe that I was depressed. My response was:

“ok Becky, say you thought I was being that way, weird, funny or depressed. What would you do?”

Becky said “I would speak to you about it”

I said “exactly, and what has she done? Ignored me for 4 weeks. If you think your friend is depressed you don’t ignore them and go gossiping to other people about them”

Anyway it was really reassuring that Becky came to me about it and was supportive as I had been feeling very isolated and vulnerable because of the whole thing.

It’s really made me think. Also reading back through this diary has – to how I used to be 5 years ago. Those 2 friends think I am being weird or funny because I didn’t do exactly what they wanted and I didn’t just roll over. I stood up for myself and they didn’t like it. Up until recently I wouldn’t have done that. I don’t need friends like that in my life.

Are the people in your life snakes or ladders? Do they support you and help you to progress?. Do they build you up and help you reach new heights? Or do they make you feel bad and talk behind your back? Do they criticise and insult you?

I won’t tolerate anymore snakes in my life, only ladders