Title

I am not a whole person.

I have never been a whole person.

I’m missing the piece that connects me to another person.

It was fine when I was younger.. as being young is the time where you can grow and learn new things that you might not have. I’m well past the age where this should have been figured out. I have no friends, my family is distant, I cannot connect with my coworkers. I feel as if I have no value other than what I have to offer someone else. It’s always a quid pro quo relationship. I can’t just be appreciated as a person, I always have to give to get anything in return. Which is understandable to a point, but I have nothing more I can give. There’s nothing I can offer any longer to advance to my next life stage. I am stuck at this point, alone.

I was almost a whole person, it felt really good. I felt that I could ask for support and help without giving it in the first place. When I was feeling this way, I never needed help… well, because I felt really good. Now that I need help I am seeing these relationships I’ve been in have always been the same, I just was becoming content within them.

I need help now, I have nothing to give. Anything I’m useful for is becoming more and more difficult to do as I am losing the desire to please others. It causes more distance in my relationships as I do not want to be a burden. Why do I have to lose myself to be able to connect with someone else? Why do I use favors and compassion to try and connect to another person? Why can’t I just be? Why don’t I have that something that everyone else seems to have with one another?

My pieces are now broken since they’ve been used incorrectly. I am to the point in which I cannot repair the broken pieces myself and I only have myself to do the repairs.