Yeah, so still looking for work (as you all know lol), but hopefully this interview Wednesday works in my favor. I’m still using Temp agencies, so I checked in with them too. So yeah, but as of yet I am still broke AF. No one in the house really has money, S had to pay rent late (thanks to a set back his son created…smh) and that just had a domino effect on everything else. Now his son is waiting to get his first paycheck from a new job he started. S is about to start his new job, I think his orientation is Thursday. So literally no one has money, but S is the one tripping. He still acts like an ass when things fall on him, and he wants to act like he’s the only one doing anything. Yeah so his son kinda told him about himself, after including both of us in some ranting group text about him not wanting to be the only one putting in money towards the house. Now he says it wasn’t directed at me, but I’d still love to know why he included me in that text. I know the situation, I don’t need you griping at me. It’s not MY damn fault. It pissed me the fuck off, but that’s S for ya. Still stubborn as fuck. Anyway, I’m not gonna worry about him though, cause shit I can only do what comes my way, not for lack of trying. So for my own sake, I hope to find a good job soon. I need to start saving money again anyway. As it is, I’ve had to shut off some of my streaming services to avoid overdraft fees, so yeah.
Now what I did do today, was cash in my 401K from my last job. It’s not much, but it’s a start. If I get it soon enough, I’ll avoid overdraft fees from things coming out on Wednesday. Unfortunately there are tax penalties involved, but it is what it is. I gotta save my own ass, if anything. I also plan to close my HSA and take those tax penalties as well. It is what it is, but I need something in my account. Just my luck, the damn bank fees would hit my acct, and I’d be further in the hole. I can’t do anything about my credit card being paid late, and that kills me. UGH, but again I can’t do much until I have a job. Hopefully this lil bit of money I had to cash in will hold me over. I need to start working by the end of next week or I’ll be dealing with the same bullshit next month, and this time I wouldn’t have a back up plan of cashing anything in ya know. LORD this year has been a struggle and it’s only the 13th.
So as far as S and I are concerned, ok for the most part I guess. I am so damn bored though, I feel I have to compete for attention when it comes to his cell phone. He’s more attached to it than ever and that annoys me so bad. I try not to get on my phone too much, but I get bored quick. I shouldn’t have to ask him to spend time with me, but apparently I have to walk this lil boy through relationships and shit. I mean for real, this is why people leave….boredom and of course the attitude when things don’t go your way. So I will have to have a talk with him about that, as well as what I want out of this relationship. If he wants things one way, he has to be willing to compromise with me. You can’t expect me to feel wanted and sexy and act like I’m this sexy feeling chick when the only affection/attention I can get is sexual. I like sex, but I love romance and all that shit too. That’s what he is lacking and it’s got to change and quick, but he’s so arrogant that it’s not easy to tell him about himself. So we shall see after we have this talk, but I can’t keep feeling lonely. Feeling that way will make me shut down, because I didn’t come here to be bored. I can do that alone. Now I knew coming back came with some risks, but if things start to go down the path they were before, then I can’t continue. I hope this wasn’t a mistake, but right now only time will tell. I will not compete with a cell phone for attention. I mean its all day everyday, during bathroom time, before (and sometimes right after) sex, when we are watching TV. I don’t wanna go too many more days waiting for him to pay attention to me, he’s becoming complacent and that’s not a good thing. I need affection too and not just when he wants sex. If he treats me like I deserve he’d get a much better reaction out of me. I don’t need sex that bad, but I would love affection and attention on a more consistent basis. I’d enjoy sex a lot more if I got those regularly.
And as for school, ok so far. I do need to sit down and read these chapters so I can do the work, but thankfully it’s fairly easy work. I am upset I had to cancel my math classes, AGAIN. I have to take them ASAP or I can’t move forward because there aren’t too many classes I can take until I take the developmental classes. Getting back and forth would be an issue at the moment because now that S has this new job, it may be a hassle to get to class AND work. THIS SUCKS ass…but it is what it is. Sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth it to continue, cause apparently I’m alone on this school journey. My friends care more about my college education, than my so called boyfriend. Sad…isn’t it. He’s more concerned with everyone contributing money to the house. Well fuck face, if i get my college education, I can get better paying jobs ya dufus. Anyway, enough about him haha. I am doing good otherwise. I am just waiting for my ship to come in…haha. I am tired of being home all day, mainly due to no money lol.