Crazy

I must be, to think that moving back home was a good idea. I would rather have just worked things out in NC, than to come to this bullshit. I feel like I’m in the way, and I am super tired of having to play referee between my sister and mom and being chewed out for it. I seriously can’t take it. In comparison, while I was stressed AF with S in NC, the shit I deal with here isn’t much better. In some ways, the stress level is higher. I think because it’s family, they feel it’s ok to be an ass to folks because you’re family. So since moving here, I have learned that not only does my mom hate when I keep joking about the same thing (won’t tell me, she’ll talk to my sis tho), to the point where I stop joking because I never know when I’ll offend someone. I’ve been told that my morning “noises” (me being silly) are annoying to my sister. Then today, I find that my mom gets an attitude if I am on the phone with S when she’s taking me to work. I don’t really get to talk to him much anyway, but twice this week he’s called before I had to go to work and stayed on the phone until I got to work. I don’t do this everyday, and I don’t really expect to talk to him that long when I do. So mom told my sister that she is really tired of me staying on the phone with him for the whole trip, and how she’s doing me a favor in taking me to work and thinks it’s rude. So now I can’t talk to him at all? Then my sister is like “well if you miss him so much, why are you here?” OK so not only do I feel I am in the way of THEIR normal way of life, my “habits” annoy them. My feelings were once again hurt. So now I just feel I need to keep to myself, and getting the hell out of here ASAP is a top priority. I am tired of being chewed out when those two fight, and i try to keep the peace. I get chewed out if I do something no one else likes. My mom still procrastinates and has YET to fill those papers out to get my sis on medicare and eventually disability. She will argue with my sister who’s mental state is clearly unstable. My sis acted like she was gonna stick a knife in her neck (she wasn’t, but she likes attention and playing the victim). Family or no, who the hell can keep dealing with that. I have to go before I lose my damn mind too, damn at least I had some time to unwind when I lived in NC. It’s cool, because I will be out of there hair soon enough. It’s hard enough trying to concentrate on work AND homework, without having family causing even more stress. I have NO outlet and as much as I love them, I can’t live like this. I’m tired of the guilt trips, and I plan to be out of here soon as I can. I have an exam for one of my classes on December 2, I’m hoping to be back by then, or shortly after. I’m tired of the mood swings and guilt trips. I am not equipped to handle the stress in this house, and it’s not fair to expect me to just because they are family. I love them, but I’ll have to from a distance. I can’t even save money living here. I make twice what I made at my old job, and yet I can’t go 3 days without 90% of my check is gone. I don’t mind helping mom, but she will take advantage of that help, then try to make you feel bad if you talk like you’re annoyed. I’m not giving any of my school check away. It’ll will go into savings, more I Have in there, the quicker I can go.

Anyway, on a better note, I was able to find a seat much closer to the front row (row 3 to be exact) for my Backstreet Boys concert on Tuesday. I put my old one up for sale, I certainly hope someone buys it, if not I may pull it and give it away. I won’t push my luck with this ticket, I’m just glad I’m closer. I was near the back of the second section of the floor seats. I have something fun to look forward to, and I am SO excited!