Hello All

I’m dealing with life as best as possible. I know one thing, I’m getting out of this house ASAP! I can’t deal with mom and sis annoying ways. I’m tired of cleaning up all the time with very little help. I almost wanna give up except it bothers me to look at it, plus I’m not cooking in a dirty ass kitchen. They have some nasty ass habits that have me smdh. Still, I love them. They both have anxiety and are in a lot of ways more than I. I’m sensitive yes, but not to the point of not having a sense of humor. They like that I’m goofy, but apparently I have to be careful with what I say because they have no fuckin sense of humor and take offense to everything. They talk about me when I’m not around and sometimes I hear it. It’s not bad stuff but apparently my joking about the same thing she thinks I’m serious. Instead of talking to me, she talks to my sister about me. It’s ok for them to point out my quirks, but I don’t dare do it to them. I can’t joke too much cause someone always gets offended. So I find out today, thru my sister, that my mom is sick of my “I don’t like you” joke. I’m never serious, always laugh and make sure to say in a joking tone. I didn’t even know it bothered her. She’d joke back saying she don’t care. Apparently she does. She told my sister she is starting to wonder if it’s true and I’m like wtf. It upset me because she pretends to my face she doesn’t take me seriously and yet she can talk to my sister and tell her she’s sick of my joking.

Hell I say that to S all the time, he knows I’m joking. Even if I didn’t like someone, I’d never flat out be rude and say it to them. There’s folks on fb that annoy me, but because they are my friend, I deal with it. I feel like now I have to watch what I say or do, so as not to offend anyone. I can’t be me at my own house. Now I’m gonna wonder what else they don’t like about me or discuss about me. My sis told me (and pretending to make light of it like it’s no big deal) that she doesn’t like the weird bubbly sounds I make in the morning, if  I’m in a good mood. I guess I’m not supposed to be in a silly mood in the morning, so I’ll stop that too. I had to stop myself from crying over it, but I hate I moved here. I’m just gonna keep to myself and do my homework this weekend. I’ll put on my fake ass persona and deal with life until things change. My feelings were hurt and I’m the only one who cares about that.

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