I really haven’t been in much of a mood to write lately, tho I’m still paying to be here lol. I’m doing ok, things are getting better. I just have my moments where I feel lonely and I’m alone with my thoughts. Most days I’m happy as can be, but then I have days when I’m just upset over the things that led to me having to leave. Like I have no regrets whatsoever, but I’m just left with so many questions of why? And why after so they call themselves trying to act like the person they pretended to be in the beginning. I believe he’s gotten the idea finally that I won’t respond to him. He’s given up. And please don’t come at me asking why I haven’t blocked him. If i have absolutely have no desire to reach out, it would not matter either way. His texts don’t affect me and I ignore them 100% when in the past id reply out of guilt. It’s much easier to ignore him. I don’t feel bad.
I don’t feel bad about doing for me or anything. I needed to be alone and I have that choice. I’d like to date again, but I’m far from ready. I just hate the walls I’ve had to put back up because I’m scared of being hurt again. I can’t do it anymore. I’d rather be lonely than unhappy. I’m much happier now in comparison. I just hate all the stuff he’s done and all the shit I dealt with all to be told I wasn’t doing enough. I told him when I broke up with him that I had no more fight left in me. I guess he thought I was kidding? I guess he thought that with time I’d get over it and fall for the “I miss you” this time. When I tell you I feel nothing for that man, I mean it. But the pain and hurt from his actions are something I’m currently having to heal from. I think about all the things he’s said and done and it’s just all confirmations that he was not what I needed. I had to learn a lesson and once I did those feelings I use to have that kept me going back were no more. So blocking wouldn’t make a world of a difference but I just know I never wanna see him again. I’m past the bullshit and I am currently working on ME! So I’m doing ok and I’ll continue to be ok.