I hate being strong

It’s not as easy as it sounds. I know I’m tired of crying and I’m tired of being hurt. I’m tired of having to pull myself out of that hurt while the source is my pain lives life as if nothing is wrong. Or as if I did THEM wrong. I’ve been discarded because of sex. Because I don’t want to anymore. He’s ready to put me out.

He spent years dangling the relationship over my head. Years threatening to end this if things don’t go his way. He won’t actually pull the trigger. He was surprised that I pulled it for him. I grew tired of his games. I’m just so tired of him shitting on me over sex. He wants me gone! Even asked if there was a way for me to move sooner. He wants me out because I ignore his sexual advances. Let him tell it I’m a terrible person. No telling what he’s told his parents about me, or his son. I could call his parents and set it strait, but why bother.

I just want out of this situation. If they wanna believe he’s the good guy, let them. I know my names been smeared. I don’t even argue or try to reason with him. It’s pointless.  I’m just tired of having to be strong. Today I got attitude because I didn’t put the dishes in the dishwasher away. He had his colonoscopy today. Now I ran that damn dishwasher before I went to work last fucking night  and it was still there when I got home. And no one had taken the dog out. But he slams dishes around and slams doors as he put the dishes away this afternoon. Now if I had done that he would get mad. He had before. I cannot wait to be gone and in my own place.

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