Insecurity sucks lol

I know that once you’ve been hurt, it causes trauma and triggers. It seems that when things are going well, the one time something changes you start wondering why or if the other persons feelings towards you have changed. That’s what’s going on with me. It sucks. So In the beginning of this thing with Anthony, I’d gotten spoiled with seeing him dang near everyday and actually getting to spend a few hrs together sometimes. Well it slowed down after a while, although it was mainly due to schedule clashes. Still we’d find time to hang, and he’d make efforts to come see me. Other times he’d go most days barely saying boo, most times it’s on his days off. I missed being able to more spend time with him although I appreciated how he made it a point to try to see me whenever he could.

Well sometimes when he’s quiet I start getting worried lol. The other night he stopped by after work to rest some before heading home. He recently found he’s had some chest pains and HBP so he’s worn out. He’s seeing a dr so I’m hoping they can get things under control. Well I was watching a movie when he came over. He sat on the couch and we cuddled and watched, up until the last 30 mins of it. I was sad and he saw that and felt bad. Still he has to get going. So I wasn’t happy. I’m usually watching movies alone. So it was nice to have company. Me being sensitive I just curled up on the couch after he left. This morning I was still feeling some kind of way, especially since he didn’t do his usual good morning text. So I was sad and my thoughts running wondering about things with us. I did text him and he asked what was on my mind. Somehow he could tell I guess I had something on my mind cause he asked. So I told him about some things on my mind not related to him and how sometimes being strong is hard. He could relate.

I also told him about how I felt about us and his feelings for me and all. The stuff I was feeling insecure about and that I don’t really get to see him too often for more than a few mins and that that was why I look sad when he leaves. He replied a little while later saying that he understands how I feel and how he can relate. He also said that he’s dealt with all types of people in the past and that to him I am a breath of fresh air. Which he’s told me that he feels comfy and relaxed with me before. Still, that was nice to hear. I didn’t think anything of it. I did start to contemplate this morn if I even still wanted anything with anyone because it seems so many guys have issues. Well sometime later he calls me asking me what I’m doing. I told him just watching tv. He tells me his on his way over. He drove an hour just to hang with me until I had to go to work. I was surprised but pleasantly so. He lives an hr away and I rarely see him on his days off. So it made me smile he did that for me. So we talked some, finished the movie I was watching and started a new one. Before that second movie though we were playing around and things kinda got started lol. It was really nice tho so no complaints. Then we watched the movie we decided on. At some point we stopped to go get food and came back to watch what we could of the movie and eat until it was time to go to work. So he came in the store with me where I work, to get some things. I was walking on the wrong side lol so he moved me to his left side thru the parking lot into the store. He is a sweetheart but sometimes he baffles me. Lol but then I have insecurities so that doesn’t help. I’m just glad the day started better than expected.

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February 5, 2022

Just know that he cares. 🙂