so I finally sat down and wrote out my prayer list for 2019. I left off the crap that I wrote on the last two. They involved my plea for this relationship to work and for S to be what I needed and for him to stop doing certain things. If anything I was hurt more this year than last, tho because it’s been like this for a while, I don’t feel life will get better for me here. So when we have this much needed talk, I hope he gets what I’m saying and is honest with himself and with me.
On this list I wrote more realistic goals. Nothing too specific about my relationship or wanting it to get better. I’m done hoping. I am praying to be able to remove toxic people from my life. I aim to be happy. If I marry, it won’t be to him. I won’t have kids with him either. I’ll just be alone for a while