What do you do

When you’re usually the one to listen and/or trying to help someone deal with whatever is going on in their life and taking on their issues as a friend or source of comfort, but can never find that with anyone in your own life? I feel 100% alone. And while things are seemingly good with this new guy, it’s very clear I won’t be able to rely on him to be what i try to be for him.

If someone tells me something is wrong I care enough to ask and if they feel like sharing they do and I listen. Why can’t I find that for me? Why doesn’t anyone check up on me? I say I’m feeling down or sad and you say “I’m sorry”. And this guy Anthony seems to think when it’s his day off, it’s a day off from me too. I barely hear from him and I never see him unless he happens to be on this side of town. I know he’s younger but you can tell when someone really cares and when they just do things when it’s convenient. I guess I’m used to being on the back burner in anyone’s life. I have the insecurities from this thing e have going and things seem to be slowing down. I don’t know if that’s good or bad but I’m not going to sit and dwell on it. If it works it does, if not whatever. I’ll deal with it. I have a lot on my mind, family issues, relationship issues, work issues and no outlet. I’m thinking of just getting into therapy once my insurance kicks in. It’s painfully clear that no one will really care about me as much as I do them. No one really goes out of their way to make sure I’m ok.

So I guess I’ll have to seek therapy. I have a lot of pent up frustration and I’m so mentally drained. I know that Anthony has similar feelings so I guess I can understand why he wouldn’t be able to reach out, but at the same time show some concern. It’s always me showing it to others but I’m the dumping ground for others emotion and issues. I’m burnt out.

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