Being careful with …

… my thoughts was most of my day yesterday.  How draining the lower vibration thinking can be!  I went home on my lunchbreak, set the timer, and crashed on the couch.  That helped a lot, and the afternoon was better.  I could actually feeling my Ego letting go of the poor choice I made on Sunday.  I’ve gotten to know its energy signature over the past decade, and knew full well it was active, jumping up and down at the opportunity to point its finger at me and tell me what a bad person I am.  By mid-afternoon it was tired of pointing, and I remember smiling when I felt the self-defeating thoughts start to slip away.  Then the bosses came around and said I could leave at 4:30 to vote, and I said “Hell yes!”.  I hadn’t decided whether I was even going to vote (our poor country has its share of government clowns), but the polling station was on my way home and voila, I voted for the first time in decades.  Not that it made a difference because of where I live … the decision is usually already made by the time the voting ends in Eastern Canada … oh well, I made an X then headed home for the evening.

John came over shortly after supper and we caught up on things.  We didn’t see each other at all on the weekend, so it was abit awkward at first … no idea why either.  It was like we were afraid to even hold hands.  I kinda like that goofy awkwardness, but remnants of the poor choice I made on Sunday poked me.  I could have talked to him about it, but he was part of it without even realizing, and sometimes it’s just better not to be totally forthcoming with mistakes and all that.  Truth and honesty are very important to me, and I betrayed my Self by my poor choice More than I betrayed John.  Wow!! And that’s why I felt it SO much!!  I didn’t DO anything wrong, other than Not telling John the truth … that I just didn’t want to see him on Sunday … actually it was more like, I just wanted to be by myself … so I lied and said I was babysitting … fuck seeing it now in the light and that the whole guilt feeling I had going on was because I betrayed my Self by not telling My truth… damn this is good:)  Trusting is part of it too, or lack thereof … I didn’t trust that John would have been just fine with me saying “I just wanna hang at home today”, which he totally would have been.  That’s one of the things that attracts me to him … we both like our ‘space’.  I’m glad I maintained some control over the thoughts and feelings I had and letting things play out with ease rather than forcing … this is Very good:))