slowly but surely pulling my feet out of the muck and mire that has had me stuck for the past while. I totally underestimated the depth of emotion surrounding the month of May, and finally it is slipping into the past so that I can reflect on it without the weight of the emotion clouding my vision. I remember going through the same sort of process surrounding November after the shit with my dad was disclosed, and now ten years later, I rarely go back to what happened when November rolls around. Time heals?? Meh, not really sure about that, but time does have a way of changing my perspective on life events, and eventually what may have hurt terribly at one time, turns into something that glitters. It takes a lot of effort and time to get to the beautiful glitter though … sigh
I Am … making a concerted effort to socialize regularly again. The introvert inside me can so easily isolate, but too much isolation is not healthy for me. Coffee or a meal with a friend once a week is enough to keep the extrovert balanced, and at the same time not totally freak out the introvert.
I Am … writing … again. A little bit every day over and above journalling. My story about Ello, Ruu and Stella is my goal to complete by end of summer, and present at the first PQ meeting in September. I am also writing about my life with Dennis … going back to when we first met, and capturing the memories of the 30 years we shared together. My hope is to give these memories to our children, which they may or may not appreciate ahahahaha, but it helps me remember that we had waaaaaayy more good years than we had not-so-good. This particular writing is a very slow process, but with time and attention, our story will be written.
I Am … painting … again … which I haven’t done since moving into town. I’ve added something though, and that is attempting to sketch images I have inside me, to eventually take to the canvas for painting. There is a local art show next summer, and my goal is to have five pieces to submit. Artistic creativity is a challenge for me, but Russell showed me the beauty of painting over … and over ……. and over … until I am satisfied with the outcome. (ps – I started in OD using full names, then changed to just letters to protect their privacy, but wtf … if I wanted privacy, I wouldn’t be in OD ahahaha)
I Am … giving my body attention … again … ahahahaha Seems this post is all about again. Kaity and I went for a pedicure last week and it was heaven to have my feet soaked and rubbed, and my toes painted a beautiful colour. I have a massage booked for this afternoon and before I go on my road trip at the end of June, I will book a reflex appt with Nancy. Every payday, I give a little to me in ways that make me feel good inside and out, and then of course there’s the attention to my body that doesn’t cost anything … wink wink nudge nudge … and that sadly, has been non-existent for toooooo long.
I Am … A Lovely Woman … again?? hahahahaha No, I didn’t stop being one, but I Did stop seeing the Lovely Woman staring back at me when I look in the mirror. Alot of little things that nurture me fell to the side while my feet got deeper into the muck and mire, but the pedi took care of all the residual dirt, and I’m finding the way back onto my path of choice.
Who Am I Today?