I am different …

than I was a week ago.  That pretty much goes without saying because change is the only constant, however I Feel different inside.  Less afraid I suppose.  I can fake pretty good … smile even though I’m crying inside; put on my big girl panties (still black lace, but nevertheless big girl), and do what’s needed in times of challenge; slip into my suit of armour, complete with sword and shield, but inside I’m scared shitless at what’s coming at me ……. why do I show the world a false me?  First answer is that I am protecting the real me … a little girl sitting with her arms wrapped around her knees.  Protection can actually be more detrimental than letting her go outside and play, falling down, scratching her knees, and then running home to have her booboo’s kissed better, hugged, and then sent off to play again.  Teaching her that the world isn’t scary, empowering her to go into the world just as she is, and showing her that when the world gets to be too much, she can always come home for hugs and kisses.

That’s how I spent yesterday … sitting in my yard, holding the little girl inside close and letting her cry.  She’s learning to be just who she is, and making mistakes isn’t wrong or bad … it’s part of learning to walk in truth, and acknowledge that truth sometimes hurts, but it is better to be true, than to be protected in falsehood …. self-deception is a more accurate word.

She needs more hugs and kisses before she’s ready to go back out an play, so for today I will give her exactly that.

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July 31, 2018

That looks like that a very pretty oasis to sit and ponder in.

And when you are ready you go out and you do you. Because that’s what we all do best.

~Peace

August 1, 2018

@marathonmama

So nice to be understood:)