Interesting turn of …

… events lately.  John seems to be having a change of heart or something.  He’s pulled back, blaming it on the weather which I totally get.  Nobody likes shorter days, cold mornings and gray skies, but hey, deal with it! Maybe he just can’t and I should be more understanding, but that’s not easy when I don’t have a clue what’s going on in our relationship.  When I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about, he asked if he was allowed to go out for coffee or a drink with another woman …. uhhhhhhhh sure?  I know we started off with the understanding that we weren’t exclusive and so on, but after a year of spending time together a lot, things change and heartstrings start getting involved and then BAM, he gets weird, and unfortunately then so do I … red flags and walls go up to protect.  Confusion is a strange headspace, and a space where the BJ can easily make it worse, so a lot of my energy has been spent in maintaining balance and smoothing insecurities, etc.  I’m doing my best to let things play out without unnecessary drama.  This is a good lesson in many ways … don’t jump to conclusions, don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill, everything is not about me, I am a good friend, there is no reason to take on someone else’s mood, pause before responding … and ……… be careful with my heart.  Maybe this is a good time to step back from men in general and spend some focused time on my life, but pretty sure I have a co-dependence issue so I don’t know if I could even pull that off, and how would I go about doing that anyway?  Oh right, just say no ….