Interesting turn of …

… events lately.  John seems to be having a change of heart or something.  He’s pulled back, blaming it on the weather which I totally get.  Nobody likes shorter days, cold mornings and gray skies, but hey, deal with it! Maybe he just can’t and I should be more understanding, but that’s not easy when I don’t have a clue what’s going on in our relationship.  When I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about, he asked if he was allowed to go out for coffee or a drink with another woman …. uhhhhhhhh sure?  I know we started off with the understanding that we weren’t exclusive and so on, but after a year of spending time together a lot, things change and heartstrings start getting involved and then BAM, he gets weird, and unfortunately then so do I … red flags and walls go up to protect.  Confusion is a strange headspace, and a space where the BJ can easily make it worse, so a lot of my energy has been spent in maintaining balance and smoothing insecurities, etc.  I’m doing my best to let things play out without unnecessary drama.  This is a good lesson in many ways … don’t jump to conclusions, don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill, everything is not about me, I am a good friend, there is no reason to take on someone else’s mood, pause before responding … and ……… be careful with my heart.  Maybe this is a good time to step back from men in general and spend some focused time on my life, but pretty sure I have a co-dependence issue so I don’t know if I could even pull that off, and how would I go about doing that anyway?  Oh right, just say no ….

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November 7, 2019

Question? have you ever just asked him straight out if he actually loves you and wants to be your wife and you be his husband?  maybe not in the traditional way but still?  I am always asking my hubby if he wants a divorce and he always says no and that he loves me more then the air he breathes.

November 8, 2019


No I haven’t … marriage is not what this is about at all … learning how to give, receive, and accept love? maybe …