It was a much …

… needed reprieve from life yesterday.  Kaity and I had planned weeks ago to bake cookies and the day couldn’t have turned out better:) Dozens and dozens and dozens of sugar cookies, three Christmas movies, and two regular movies.  How does it get any better than that?  Well, a sleepover of course!  So glad I didn’t drive the hour back home last night, and for being in a strange bed, I slept pretty darn okay:)

John and I texted a bit in the morning.  No sense going into details other than it was a series of Very strange messages from him.  In the end he said “so then we are calling it quits?” I thought we had already determined that, but maybe I didn’t express my side explicitly enough so I just answered “yes”.  I don’t think we understand each other very well, but more importantly, I don’t think we understand ourselves even more.

Last night after I went to bed, I had a bit of a breakdown … I think all the decisions I’ve made over the last week or so are sinking in and becoming real, and I questioned those decisions.  I fell asleep crying I think, and woke up a couple of hours later with two messages …. F.E.A.R. = Forgetting Everything About Reality (a reminder), and ‘not enough’ – which was the theme of sleep for the rest of the night, but I can’t remember any specifics – only the feeling upon waking that I’m going in the right direction, so I’m gonna go with that:)

Kaity gave me a beautiful hand-made leather bound writing book yesterday for my birthday because she won’t be able to see me on Friday.  It’s PERFECT ♥️

Add-On

After logging out, I went to the daily meditations from Hazelden, and this one Jumped out and gave me a hug, so I had to come back and add it to my entry …

Valuing Our Needs

When we don’t ask for what we want and need, we discount ourselves. We deserve better.

Maybe others taught us it wasn’t polite or appropriate to speak up for ourselves. The truth is, if we don’t, our unmet wants and needs may ultimately come back to haunt our relationships. We may end up feeling angry or resentful, or we may begin to punish someone else for not guessing what we need. We may end the relationship because it doesn’t meet our needs.

Intimacy and closeness are only possible in a relationship when both people can say what they want and need. Sustained intimacy demands this.

Sometimes, we may even have to demand what we want. That’s called setting a boundary. We do this not to control another person, but to gain control of our life.

Our attitude toward our needs is important too. We must value them and take them seriously if we expect others to take us seriously. When we begin to place value and importance on our needs we’ll see a remarkable change. Our wants and needs will begin to get met.

Today, I will respect the wants and needs of others and myself. I will tell others, my Higher Power, and myself what I want and need. I will listen to what they want and need too.

Pretty darn cool I’d say!