It was his …

… birthday yesterday, and yet I was the one who received the gifts.  How does that work??  I had planned a day trip with Nancy and her mom to visit Trea.  I hesitated when Nancy first asked, because it was Den’s birthday and I sort of felt that I should spend the day remembering him and reaching out to the kids and so on … but … the hesitation was brief, and I said yes … a day with friends is always a good day, and that’s how I wanted to spend his birthday.  I thought we were just gonna hang out, drink coffee, gab, go for a walk, etc … but … turns out we painted with watercolours instead.  Nancy felt so bad she didn’t communicate that with me … but … I was like “surprise!!!!! we’re painting instead”  Trea is an amazing artist and holds regular classes and yesterday was a class, so the cost was $50.  An unanticipated expenditure and I don’t really have the extra money right now to indulge … but … I said “wtf I CAN afford it” and it turned out to be the best $50. I’ve spent in a long time.  Spending several hours in the creative energy of Trea and her studio, as well as painting with other people, inspired me and got my creative juices flowing abit more … feels like I had been on a too-long fast from drawing/painting.

Once I was home and chilling, checking emails and so on, one came through from a job I had applied for on Monday, and wouldn’t you know it, I’ve been shortlisted!  Another surprise!!!  Omg, my hands were shaking and it felt like I was a bottle of champagne right before popping the cork.  I read through the email two or three times to make sure I wasn’t misunderstanding what it was telling me.  There are four online assessments to complete and submit before tomorrow morning at 9:00, and only the ones who are selected from there will be contacted for the next step.  I read over the descriptions of each assessment, and repeatedly said “I can do that … I can do that …”  What a boost to my confidence, even if I’m not chosen to go further …  I so needed something like this to lift my spirits.  I wasn’t going to tell anyone, but I needed support from the people who care about me, my kids, my parents, Shantal, Dan, John, Nancy … I need their supporting and encouraging energy, and they unconditionally gave it.

John texted and asked if he could come over for a bit … I wanted to share my high spirits with someone, so said “absolutely”.  We had fun.  We laughed.  He listened to me babble on about my good day.  I told him it was Den’s birthday, and he saw the connection of the good things that happened for me, and He was happy for me.  We warmed up apple crisp that I had baked just that morning (Den’s specialty) and carried it with two spoons to the corner store to buy ice cream, then ate it in the park as dusk settled in.  Our walk back to my place was quieter … slower … holding hands … I miss Dennis so much, and at the same time, I am moving forward in my life … I suppose that’s how it works, and yesterday’s surprises are his way of saying “go on Tina, you can do it and I’ll always be your biggest fan”

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September 19, 2019

Well, congrats on the shortlist and having fun!

September 20, 2019

@poisonnoir

Thank you!! I finished the online assessments for the first step in the recruitment process, and now wait ……. they said in the email, only those chosen to go to the next step will be contacted … so we shall see 😎

September 24, 2019

Glad you had such a great boost to your confidence with the new job possibility.  Hope things will work out well regarding that.

September 24, 2019

@oswego

Thank you!  I am in the waiting period … abit obsessed yesterday with it all, but eventually set it free and “whatever will be will be” (not showing my age with that musical reference;)