Letting things be …

… without too much interference is getting easier and easier.  In fact, I’m starting to get the hang of watching other people and Not get caught up in my reactions to their behaviours.  That’s the trick … sit back and watch … other people, the circumstances unfolding around me, as well as my internal dialogue.  I can’t change other people, but I can change myself and how I operate, and for now, not reacting or even responding seems to work just fine.  Don’t think I can do it for long periods of time though, but it does feel like a nice break from life’s drama.

The CRA contacted me yesterday.  I knew it was coming, and I handled the call well.  I told her my side, and she gave me a deadline of October 31 to look into the RRSP income that I don’t remember receiving back in 2015.  That year was a blur, but I’m sure I would remember receiving $12,000. … and from London Life?? Den’s RSP’s were all through GWL and I didn’t even cash those in after he died.  It’s just a matter of taking care of business, but when it comes to money, I freeze … paralyzed almost … and then when I finally Do deal with whatever it is, it turns out to be so much easier than I thought it would be.  I’m just gonna have to put my big girl panties on and get things figured out, even if it does turn out that I Do owe the CRA $4000.  The lady seemed open to me making payments which is awesome.  It’s just another bill right??  Fuck, I’m tired of how money makes me feel inside.  What do I have to learn about money matters so that I’m not affected like this anymore?

John seems to have taken it on has his responsibility to take care of my financial dilemmas … not that he lends me money (and I wouldn’t accept anyway), but he nudges until I do something.  I’ve been telling the bosses since mid-August that Kaity is no longer a full time student and to take her off my benefit package.  An extra $30. a paycheque would be awesome … and yet my paycheques haven’t changed.  When I bring it up with the bosses, they say they’ll look into it, but then the next paycheque comes along, and no change.  I told John about this and that I was gonna just call GWL on my own time, and he said “do it now”, and kinda pushed me to the back to make the call right then and there even though I was at work (not really sure how I feel about being pushed like that).  Anyway, I did make the call to GWL and they said she’s been off my benefits since August 31 wtf???  Not really sure what happened then, because all of a sudden the bosses were running around like chickens with their heads cut off about this.  Did John say something to them?  How did the bosses find out I made that call?  Idk if I like John being so ummmmmm involved in my personal affairs, but then I shouldn’t have said anything to him, but then he wouldn’t have nudged me to make the call and I’d still be waiting patiently for the bosses to get their shit together about this …. sigh … writing it all out makes it seem trivial, but sitting back and watching it all play out yesterday was weird.  In the end though, shit got done and my next paycheque will reflect a single benefit rate, as well as reimbursement for the deductions taken off for Kaity since the end of August.  I know John doesn’t like when people are being taken advantage of, and that’s why he makes things happen.  I don’t like the feeling of being taken advantage of either, but I also don’t want to ruffle feathers … I just need to learn how to stick up for myself more … be firm without being a bitch?  hahaha omg, and then there’s the drama with the PQ’s … another situation to sit back and watch play out, even though I’m part of the drama like with the benefits at work …. just shaking my head here …. sitting back and watching is good, and at the same time participate so that I am heard …. hmmmmmmmmm Use my voice … damn, that’s what it is …. again

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October 18, 2019

I hear duck tape works really well with staples for those times when words do slip out.  I often just sit back and watch and always hope for the worst when it comes to those I don’t care about like my idiot brother in law and his idiot girl friend.  Then I just laugh inside of my head.  The only time I will say something is when I care about the people.  And you are one of those I care about…..

October 19, 2019


Ohhh thank you! 🤗 I hear what you’re saying about choosing when to say something, and agree there are some situations not worth the effort to speak up.  On the flip side, I don’t like wishing I should have said something when I had the chance.  These are the sorts of things I have fun figuring out.

October 21, 2019

I’m trying to relearn how to keep my mouth shut. I used to be very good at not interfering, and just watching people do what they want to do. I need to go back to that. It’s hard when you think you can see how things will turn out. I’m not always right, in the first place, and I need to remember that. I might go with Jay’s idea and use some duct tape!

October 21, 2019


Lol well I’ll admit duck tape has its uses, but taking it off sounds just TOO painful 😜