Omg he’s back …

… and with an apology.  It sounded sincere and of course I accepted because that’s how I roll, but also part of me misses him.  He hasn’t changed though, but what’s more important is that I HAVE.  As much as I miss my friend, the man who had me at hello, he drains me and I don’t like how I feel when we chat … in fact, I can feel myself protecting.  He’s asked once to talk with voice and I totally ignored the question.  I don’t want to.  It would be like opening the door to someone who beat you up and said sorry, I won’t do it again, and you want to believe but deep down you know the truth.  I have good memories of our friendship and how it blossomed into something more, and that’s where I stop because then our relationship went in a strange direction and while it felt challenging at the time, it was something for me to go through and learn sooooo hecken much.  I am an Observer with him now … I listen and watch, and yes, probably judge … it’s good to find out that he can knock, and yet I won’t open the door.

Hmmmm …. for some reason it feels like a Huge shift or change is coming … kinda feel scared, but that’s not exactly the right word to describe …… On Guard!! That’s it!! I feel on guard … aware ……. my spidey senses are tingling ahahahahah that’s better!!!!!  Not just with Russell either.  With Everything around me …. Yes yes, this is very good to know … Thank You:)


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4 weeks ago

I have found that every time I changed something about me that everyone around me changed also because they had to.  So maybe this time he will change with you because he has to?

4 weeks ago


Ohhh yes, been there, done that with several people in my life:)  Thing is, how many chances do I give someone to change, and at what personal expense?

4 weeks ago

I’ve found that if my gut says this doesn’t feel right it usually turns out bad, unless I turn around and walk away.

4 weeks ago


I hear you:)  and this is why I sit back and watch … not walking away just yet, but not opening the door either