Omg he’s back …

… and with an apology.  It sounded sincere and of course I accepted because that’s how I roll, but also part of me misses him.  He hasn’t changed though, but what’s more important is that I HAVE.  As much as I miss my friend, the man who had me at hello, he drains me and I don’t like how I feel when we chat … in fact, I can feel myself protecting.  He’s asked once to talk with voice and I totally ignored the question.  I don’t want to.  It would be like opening the door to someone who beat you up and said sorry, I won’t do it again, and you want to believe but deep down you know the truth.  I have good memories of our friendship and how it blossomed into something more, and that’s where I stop because then our relationship went in a strange direction and while it felt challenging at the time, it was something for me to go through and learn sooooo hecken much.  I am an Observer with him now … I listen and watch, and yes, probably judge … it’s good to find out that he can knock, and yet I won’t open the door.

Hmmmm …. for some reason it feels like a Huge shift or change is coming … kinda feel scared, but that’s not exactly the right word to describe …… On Guard!! That’s it!! I feel on guard … aware ……. my spidey senses are tingling ahahahahah that’s better!!!!!  Not just with Russell either.  With Everything around me …. Yes yes, this is very good to know … Thank You:)


Log in to write a note
October 16, 2019

I have found that every time I changed something about me that everyone around me changed also because they had to.  So maybe this time he will change with you because he has to?

October 17, 2019


Ohhh yes, been there, done that with several people in my life:)  Thing is, how many chances do I give someone to change, and at what personal expense?

October 16, 2019

I’ve found that if my gut says this doesn’t feel right it usually turns out bad, unless I turn around and walk away.

October 17, 2019


I hear you:)  and this is why I sit back and watch … not walking away just yet, but not opening the door either