SRT Morning in Malta

I am halfway between coming back from my SRT to Montana and flying to Syracuse on the 20th to meet Russell.  I go there as a different woman. Self-assured and confident in who I am. Two days ago, I stumbled upon a self-video I took only seven months after Dennis died.  I watched it and barely recognized the woman speaking … demure, eyes down, fidgety. Back then I thought I was so strong, embracing the sudden and totally unexpected life change I was given, but when I watched the video I also saw a woman who was so very fragile and vulnerable.  I was thrown into a new life and I did the best I could to survive.

My SRT allowed me to clear my head so that I could listen to my heart.  That’s the way it is with me. My mind clouds what my heart knows is true.  It deceives me by giving me reasons why I shouldn’t listen to my heart … reasons that feel valid and make sense … and yet, my heart knows the truth.  I found my truth in Montana.

Saturday morning I jumped from sleeping to waking.  The light coming through the window told me the sun had already risen.  Poop!! I had wanted to watch it come up, but there was nothing I could do about it now, so I got out of bed, dressed, gathered my coffee, camera, and journal and jumped in the RAV to go greet the day.  Within five minutes I found a spot that gave me a wonderful view of the horizon with the sun already at 15 degrees. I parked beside a sign that listed the different brands. “I do believe I am in cowboy country”, I said to my self out loud.  On the other side of the fence was a gathering of horses, LOTS of horses. A good sign for me because at 6:00 that evening, I would be sitting on one hahahahaha Omg, I’m laughing as I remember how I felt. This is good to remember.

I began to slow down.  Breathing long and deep.  I was no rush. I had no agenda other than sitting on a horse at 6:00.  I drew a WW card … I Am Evolution. Yes!!! How absolutely fucking perfect!!  A train rolled past and I smiled. In the night I had heard trains, just like at home.  Then it was quiet. Slowing down more. Defragging my bits. Another long and deep breath.  No idea how long I sat there before I noticed that the traffic on the highway was becoming more and more.  Then a travel trailer pulled into the same pullout as me so they could switch driver’s, and I knew then that it was time to move into my day.  I took a few pictures, then headed back to the Inn.

Yoga is still a practice in progress, and I am so glad I brought my mat.  Sleeping in an uneven bed had done a number on my shoulders and neck, but after 20 mins of yoga I felt soooo much better.  The bathroom sink only provided sort of lukewarm water, and I didn’t want to have a shower unless there was Hot water, so that made the decision easy to forgo one that morning.  I freshened up, loaded the RAV with my bags, and I was back on the road. I still had fruit and nuts from yesterday’s lunch, and along with coffee, my appetite was content. Onward ho to Billing’s!! Woot woot!!! I mean Yeeeee haawwwwww!!!!!!