The sun rises …

more to the south than it did before my SRT to Montana.  It’s surprised me how much it has moved from rising between the trees at Ron’s to now rising above Aggie and Jake’s garage.  August is still summer, but the path of the sun doesn’t lie.  Fall is on it’s way and with it comes Winter.  Not quite ready to hibernate yet, but after the month of travelling, I Am ready to slow down.  I have plenty of life lessons to sort through and process, and hopefully put some in the “have learned” pile, rather than the “keep learning” pile.  Aggie, btw is gone … pretty sure to The Meadows where she can be cared for by people with skills.  Dymentia or Alzeimer’s is running rampant around me.  I watch people succumb to confusion, and I watch the people who love them be torn apart by something they have no control over.  NTS – write a letter to each of my children Now, in case I too succumb to confusion.

After Dennis died so suddenly, I am uberaware of how precious life is, and I had a gentle reminder in Barnes and Noble of all places.  We don’t have that store in Canada, and when I saw it at the mall in Minot, I told Russell that I HAVE to go in.  It’s just another bookstore, but for some reason I Had to go inside.  As usual, for the first ten minutes I was overwhelmed by the feel of ‘all those books’.  It’s like I hear all the stories at once, and it’s a jumble of words inside me.  I wander down each aisle touching the spines of books, tilting my head to read the titles, bending down to look at the bottom shelf and in this store, standing on tiptoes to see the top shelf.  I finally feel my insides settle.  I know I will buy a book … I always do ahahahaha, but which one??  I can spend hours in a bookstore, but knew my time in B&N was limited, so pushed my self just a little to find a book … ‘make a good choice’ I remember telling my self.  Mitch Albom, a favourite author, was at ‘my’ eye level down one of the aisles.  Do I?  I’m in B&N!!! I know I’ll like whatever book I choose by him and I can ‘get’ him anywhere ………………… long long pause at the small section of his books …. read that one and that one and that one …. sigh …. time is running out … leave that section and go to romance …. ugghhhh fuck romance!!!! ….. Russell’s probably ready to go …. just pick a book already ….. screw it, I’ll leave without buying …. I find Russell and he Is ready to go ….. I tell him to go get the car and bring it around to the front doors …. I give my self a bit more time …. I still feel rushed because I don’t want to keep him waiting (LL) …. I feel the pressure build inside me to make a choice …. I’m back in front of the small section of Mitch Albom …. my hand, as if it’s being pulled by a string, pulls at a book …. ‘The Time Keeper’ …. ahhhhhh my choice has been made.  I didn’t know then, just how much meaning the story would have for me.  I chose well:)

I finished reading the book on Sunday, my wedding anniversary, sitting in my yard …. slowing down from a month of travelling …… being still and yet moving forward at the same time … big breath in and release ……. I am right on time and exactly where I am supposed to be:)