I wish you pain

 

I am stuck between texting him and asking for closure or just ignoring it and see if he will talk to me. I think there’s no chance of me having closure from this dude, even though that is what I really want from him. In order to move on you need closure right?

How can someone just throw away something so beautiful? I mean honestly he would care so much about me, what happened? I am not going to lie to myself, I still care so much about him. But I know what you must be thinking, why are you so hooked on a guy who can give one shit about you. Well that’s easy. This guy treated me like a princess, he took his time with me, his smile would brighten my day. I know I am an idiot about talking so highly of him. But what can I do? I can’t control it but one thing I can control is not allowing him to hurt me anymore, I can be my own hero from having some boy break my heart. I wanna take him of but at the same time I wanna show him how much happier I am without him making my life living hell. Is that a good plan or am I setting myself up for failure? Who knows, but I am willing to try it so I can prove to myself that I don’t need him as well.

I wrote a note for him. Here it is-

Dear Francisco,

You have found a way to break my heart into a million of pieces, I am having a hard time putting it back all together, but I am managing. I with someone who loves me and is willing to put all the pieces back piece by piece. I was 20 and ready for a future with you, you were 23 and ready for the next girl who would let you come over. I was never a priority to you, but you were my priority. I guess all those late night conversations while holding my hand and playing with my hair meant nothing to you. Those nights were like heaven for me. Having you by my side I felt like I had the world right in my hands. But I look at myself now and I am so much happier without you. You are nothing but little boy that had a woman that would have his lunches ready made for him, have the house cleaned and smelling nice, having your laundry done and folded very neatly in your drawers, having someone who would have dinner and drinks ready after a long day of work. I wish you nothing but pain, that some girl shatters you heart into a billion of pieces. I hope you cry and tears come streaming down your face. You did this to yourself, I love you more than you know, I know this might be stranger but I wish you the pain I have had in my heart for the past 2 years. This is my final goodbye to you.

XOXO,

I am not your toy anymore.

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August 8, 2020

I know this sounds like an impossibility, but you can make your own closure. Having YOUR closure depend on someone will never make you have real closure. Plus, he’s not WORTH it: not worth your time or effort. Don’t send that letter – it will only become a medal of triumph to him.

August 16, 2020

Your letter makes me think of the song I hope by Gabby Barrett. Maybe your better off without the closure, I’m sure some people move on without the closure but others needs it. It all comes down to you on what you need.