so happy christmas and a happy new year!

my life still a complete mess and every vecation or a holiday is a challenge that i seem to lose every single time ,my battle with school and procrastination is never over,and makes the rest of my life looks like hell,because it’s been always like this:I’m happy at school equals I’m happy at mylife .

2014 is coming and I don’t feel excited or motivated or optimistic about the futur,these days I avoid setting goals or making resolutions just because I don’t want to face the possibility of failing because since I’m not doing good now,what’s gonna make me think that i’m gonna succed in the futur,I didn’t made any resolutions for 2013 either,i just can’t recognize my self anymore,I just can’t,I don’t know who I am,i lost hope and I’m losing my mind,I’m tired of saying the same old things,I’m tired of making excuses and I’m so tired of trying to make sense of this and try to find the bleesings in disguise.I feel empty and bored and the irony is I have a million things to get done,yet for some reason this huge resistence stops me from doing any thing,i still have one week to do everything i want to do,and you know what’s killing me,i don’t even write,I’m suppose to like writing and reading than why for GOD’s sake I’m not doing it.I hate this and makes me hate myself.I don’t want to hate myself because that means that i can’t love anyone and i can’t feel loved,it means that i can only feel anger,hatred and frustration.I don’t want that.

this is 2 years and I am still the same procrastinator,lazy and depressed whiner,2 years!!!are you kidding me,I can’t believe that the girl that used to be practically a nerd now is this person I hate,i was happy back in the days,everything was fine and now I’m the girl who tried to commit suicide GOD knows how many times and almost succeded.

even when i think that I’m happy comparing to other persons,I can’t but think,isn’t that suppose to mean that i should get up and do something,than why can’t i do anything?why am i feeling so stuck?why am I feeling like there is nothing to do?

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December 27, 2013

The thing about depression is it’s lke having weights tied to you mentally and physically and doing anything becomes a struggle. The only advice I can give is keep fighting and keep trying, you are already further ahead when you try than you would be if you did nothing.mits a n ongoing battle but if you really want to do this, you get the right mnd set and you can beat it. (: thanks for your note

December 28, 2013

No thankyou I do not like this idea

December 28, 2013

Run, because it would be just like the doctors. They study and tell you what’s wrong from things they have read in books but they don’t really know how you feel, they can never understand

December 28, 2013

Thanks again, but I have no questions and do not believe in prayer

January 1, 2014

Depression can really weigh a person down. I still struggle with it almost daily and like you I’ve been suicidal in the past and sometimes still think that I should have done it. What I did was make a bucket list. That was one way to motivate me to keep going to keep improving myself. A lot of the things on my bucket list are things I really want to do but I also know that they can’t happen

January 1, 2014

until many years in the future and that makes me want to hang on. Now that’s not always enough but it was something that helped. I also started to just focus on me instead on everyone else. Who cares if you best friend has everything you think will make you happy, trust me usually those aren’t the things that will. You are only given things in life that you can handle and what you need when

January 1, 2014

you need them. Don’t give up hope that one day all this will change. I know its really hard to believe. I’ve been in your shoes some days I am in your shoes. But what I have learned is that it won’t always suck. And if one day does suck, that’s ok we all have those. If life was always great we would stop appreciating the good days… <3