The stash of Christmas presents
was found by my little boy
and now I have to find money
to buy him different gifts
to keep Santa alive for him.
This made me think of how
you once told me your father
delighted in ruining Santa for you
when you were only five,
a few years before he left.
And even though you are dead,
I am sitting in my car
thinking of that little boy,
whose father took the shine off
one of the few magical things
he could have given him
in this life, one that’s already
altogether too hard for most
to gather up all the raw materials
to turn into something good.
And, although there are so many other
bigger things to cry about
in the story
of all your father did to raze you,
I am thinking of how he took Santa from you
I just can’t seem to stop.

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November 16, 2020

Your sneaky boy! My entire school class knew Santa wasn’t real, and I argued with them and my teacher… Went home to a conversation my mom had been avoiding. That day SUCKED! I’ve been equally gullible with friends and men in my life lol.

November 16, 2020

@free_spirit_gal I’ve been an emotional mess the past couple weeks. For some reason, this memory of Alex really upset me…. Just the beginning of him becoming the bitter person he was, I guess….

November 17, 2020

@thecriticsdarling Yeah, those early experiences define us a lot. 🙁 I’m sorry it’s been tougher than usual lately for you. I relate. I was slipping into real deep depression, and somehow got myself out again. I’m so grateful that I’m usually able to do that, because it feels so hopeless and painful, like I’m on fire and nothing puts it out, and I know I’m privileged to have that ability. I hope you start to feel better soon. <3