THE ONLY DIFFERENCE

THE ONLY DIFFERENCE

A $300 bar tab
& bill for a penthouse suite
were merely a tickle in the throat
of his bank account.
I was just one of many
traveling companions
detonating suitcases in rooms,
kept under his name-
shrapnel of clothing,
bobby pins and makeup
exploding onto the counter tops
in those strange places that watched us
shower, have sex & sleep
and confused us for an actual couple
rather than the arrangement
of convenience we actually were.

He invited me to Buffalo that summer,
where every time we left the hotel
it felt like walking into
a waiting, open mouth.
He had just paid hundreds
for an expensive dinner & drinks,
that we didn’t even finish,
when we saw you cross the street-
shoeless,
in downtown Buffalo
on that hot June night.

I put my hands over my face
and cried, goosed with shame.
All that good food we had
just left on the table,
despite the times in my past
when the only difference
between you & me
was that I always managed to keep
a pair of shoes on my feet.
He turned the radio up
on his fast little car
& pretended not to notice
either of us.

After that weekend,
I never traveled with him again.
And though you and I
never made eye contact that night,
I imagine our faces turning towards each other
to express the same exact thing:

Look, I’m not sure how I got here,
but there’s been a terrible mistake.

Log in to write a note
kat
November 14, 2020

I love the way you write.

November 16, 2020

Interesting. I’m assuming I know what this is about, with that recent rich guy you were seeing for some time, and you saw Alex… But no need to explain poetry! 😉

November 16, 2020

@free_spirit_gal it actually was just a homeless guy I didn’t know… That I saw while I was traveling with the rich dude. Like it just reminded me that I was not in his affluent social stratosphere….I had more in common with the homeless dude, no matter what I was pretending.

November 17, 2020

@thecriticsdarling I see. If only “rich dude” knew how poor he actually is.

November 18, 2020

A lot of this reminds me of a mix of songs that aim towards this sentiment…Another Day In Paradise (Genesis), Winter Song (Def Leppard), Something To Believe In (Poison), among others.  It’s always so amazing in that disheartening way how the 1-Percenters always seem to conveniently forget about anyone and everyone down on their luck simply because, “They need to pick themselves up by their bootstraps” or some other bullshit tired excuse.    It’s amazingly tone-deaf, to put it extremely lightly.

I do hope you’re doing well, Sistah 🙂🤗

November 18, 2020

@tigerhawk He’s the heir of a popular…comic book company… He fancied himself an artist and I was a novelty. I lived the good life while traveling with him… But there’s a trade off to that shit…. And it involves a person’s dignity and respect. It ended in flaaaames. He was a much older than man so he also was trying to pay me to have his child, that he intended to keep a secret and financially compensate me for. Not in touch with reality at all.

I’m managing … Like everyone else. I dunno. Mentally fatigued. I used to escape my personal life by going into my work, but I don’t even have that anymore….bc my job sucks lately. There’s no place to retreat other than into myself….

Saw you posted, will come visit and note.

November 18, 2020

@thecriticsdarling – Wow, that’s, uh…I guess I can’t even quite do justice to a description of how off and weird that is.  The world of money has its own twists and Twists, I guess…how much for just your soul, anyway?  Much less your uterus… 😐  He wanted a secret kid for……………………what?  I just don’t get that.

Yeah, with two kiddos and a home environment that’s not exactly the prettiest of pictures, I can only imagine.  Escape is something hard to do, I would imagine.  I’m thinking you need to text MC and go, “Calgon, take me away!”  He’ll get the reference even if you don’t…LOL.

What have YOU been listening to lately?

November 18, 2020

@tigerhawk I did it to myself. I was a paid companion basically. I knew I was not the kind of girl he could ever tell anyone about. I am poor white trash he could fuck in hotels on the sly. We both knew that. I just didn’t think he thought I was so desperate he could rent space in me for 9 months. I should have been less of a damaged whore.

I’ve no idea why he was hell bent on a kid at his age. A kid that would live with me and he would see when convenient for him.

I remember those Calgon ads.

I am desperate to get away with MC… But these are weird times. He takes care of his older mom and grandparents and he’s terrified of getting them sick….. So no overnights or trips. Yet.  Blergh.

November 19, 2020

@thecriticsdarling – Well, you’ll get no judgment from me.  The damage was never your fault any way it goes.

Hopefully the vaccines will be on their way QUICKLY so that the worry will go away.

Patience, youngling…your ShineTime is coming.  🙂

November 22, 2020

There’s so much homelessness in my town, and some of it is creeping close, close to my door. This hit home. The set up for the heart wrench is marvelously done.