The Wedding Ring

I don’t remember taking it with me
the day I finally left you,
but I found your wedding ring
in a bowl of broken bits on my shelf.
It was wound up in a rat king’s tail
of old tangled gold chains,
stud earrings like droppings.
I wonder if you noticed it was gone
or if it ceased to matter to you
because what it symbolized was over.
Holding the ring on my palm,
I still remember the feeling
of sliding it over the knuckle meat
that by now must have fallen away
from your pale, pale bones.

The coordinates of our ruins
are no longer a mystery
and any hope for a happy ending
was dissolved long ago
by the lye of reality.
Still, even knowing our story,
I’d do it all over again.
And that is how I know
when I ask myself
whether what we had was real,
that there was more than enough love
to forge the bands for our fingers
and still plenty left over
to create a web of gold
with the thread
that was spun
from the intent of our vows.

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June 23, 2020

Sad but beautiful.

kat
June 23, 2020

Made me want to cry

June 23, 2020

@kaliko I’m sorry! Been trying to process my complex feelings about my ex’s death. It’s complicated….this is how it comes out.

kat
June 23, 2020

@thecriticsdarling you make something sad and you turn it into something beautiful

 

June 23, 2020

Unexpectedly finding your late ex’s wedding ring was sad to read about in your earlier, prose entry — yet the true melancholy of that moment is felt in this poignant poem.

June 24, 2020

@drbajahi

It’s been a weird time for me…while I’m excited abt several things I’ve got going on, there’s also this sadness that hits me occasionally in regards to Alex. Sometimes it seems just completely unbelievable that he’s dead…I guess this is all part of the process.

How are you doing?

June 25, 2020

@thecriticsdarling Grieving is a long and complex process, with no set timeline for when one should stop feeling sad. But it is very good to hear that your sadness is being balanced by joy/excitement for better days to come.

I’m in the midst of a hectic scramble to arrange everything that needs arranging ahead of my big move — though my new place has been secured! Said scrambling will continue for most of the summer, but I do nonetheless hope to soon post a significant OD entry.

June 25, 2020

@drbajahi

You have a new place?! I know it must be bittersweet….a separation for good and bad….especially as I know you dread leaving one of your beloved dogs.

I am happy for you though-bc hopefully it’ll be the scene of many new adventures and happiness.

I’m both looking forward to and terrified of moving in the fall…but maybe exciting things are in the stars for both of us. 🙂

June 25, 2020

@thecriticsdarling The lease of my new apartments starts in early August! But I’ve barely begun preparing for the move, so yeah; I’ll be stressed over the next few weeks. And it is indeed bittersweet — for while there is the promise of freedom from ex persecution and better beginnings, there will also be hard farewells (my little old pug boy, especially 😥).

Awesome to hear that your own emancipation shall be taking place soon thereafter! I foresee great days ahead for you.

June 24, 2020

💜

June 24, 2020

*huge hugs*