THREE POEMS ABOUT MY MOTHER

Reworked a couple of old poems…

THREE POEMS ABOUT MY MOTHER

i.
your mouth is a mail slot
pushing out bills
and newsletters
but never once an invite

ii.
the amblyopsis rosae
is a sightless fish
whose once seeing eyes
are now detached
from their optic nerves.
like a light
that nature unplugged,
evolution has chosen
darkness for the cavefish.
its eyes are victims of disuse
and darwin’s disassembly.

after considering this,
i can only assume
maybe you once had the ability
to see me in the right light
but now, after years of not looking,
you no longer have it in you.

iii.
the nurses have worked on me,
nothing left for you to do
but watch them fill the tube
in my nose with charcoal
and hope i survive.
you lay your hand on my head
and whisper my name on repeat,
like i am a newborn
and you’re not sure
the chosen moniker fits
without a bit of convincing.
i don’t know what to do
with the only affection
you have ever shown me,
so i pretend i’m asleep.

this choice turns
the tender moment between us
into the postscript
of an unsent letter;
insignificant to all,
except the disillusioned writer,
with inadequate postage,
and the intended recipient
who can’t help
but to keep checking the mail.

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June 4, 2021

Beautiful with a sprinkling of gut-wrenching.  ((hugs))

June 6, 2021

@tracker2020 thank you …. Doing some emotional mining…. 💜

June 4, 2021

Well……goddammit……

June 6, 2021

@tigerhawk not sure how to take that, bruggy

June 7, 2021

@tigerhawk

After you kick my ass, wanna grab a beer?

Or 5.

I’ve been meaning to catch up but this past week has been bonkers…. Bridge had rehearsal every day and 5 shows this weekend. The show was terrific and Bridget was wonderful in the ensemble. I surprised her by bringing the old babysitter that she really loved. (The one who had the heart attack while she was watching them.)

How was your weekend with Stevie? (Presence of Mr. Micropeen aside.) I meant to ask sooner.

I am hoping to write about this weekend’s date with MC… But I met his brother. And said some stupid, awkward shit. Why, brother, why am I so fucking awkward and dumb? (His brother had won a toy in a skill crane game and gave it to me to give it to Rowie. He told me how a family friend has showed him how to win at them, that it’s a skill of his…. I blurted out, “cool! The only thing I’m good at is making babies.” Yes, Rox, great… Great joke to tell when meeting this person for the first time…. Cringe.)

Mike also had a heart to heart with me in the car… I was talking about this whole situation with my friends’ bachelorette party…. How I’m sharing a hotel room with 5 other people and worried about my PTSD symptoms happening in front of strangers. He said that he knew I didn’t want to talk about it, but that he knows I have a lot of shame still about all the stuff I endured growing up …. And that he knows the scars I have would have killed others…. And that he knows they nearly killed me but they didn’t…. And that’s why he thinks I’m a miracle, a heroic miracle. Like how can I not love this person who sees me like this? My response, as he assumed it would be, was to kind of just get quiet and embarrassed….. But…. He’s the one.

There’s more but I’ll wait till I write the entry. Kids missed the fucking bus this morning because my ex wouldn’t get off his fat ass. I’m getting 2 kids and myself ready and taking care of the dog and he is sitting, watching the news. I asked him for help with something and he wouldn’t get up…. So…. I now get to drive the kids to their school……20 minutes away. Yay me.

Ok…. Write more soon. Snuggy Pop.

June 7, 2021

@thecriticsdarling – 5?  Lightweight…heh

Sistah-Deah, your awkwardness is akin to mine, and one that is adorable as fuck.  Mike is also SO not wrong about your toughness.  I’ve thought about that many times, mentioned it probably exactly next to none and completely/totally/absolutely agree.  Yeah, write your damn entry…wanna very much see what the rest of that conversation might have touched.  Or if there even was another part to it.  Dammit, that man needs to move on you…in far more ways than one.

Outside of maybe a little bit of monetary, you may as well be living on your own without the Ex.  That guy’s even more useless than tits on a boar-hog.  (One of my former co-workers who since moved to KY said this about another co-worker…her country accent fired up even more when she said this with annoyance behind it and it was absolutely awesome).  This fucking guy…WTAF?  A tumor has more use…

Yeah, I’m getting prepped to write an entry on that weekend.  I’ve come to the conclusion that the more I interact with that boy, the less I like him.  I seriously fear for Stevie’s future linked to that one.

Uuuuuun-snuggle Bop Bop Bop Bop!

June 7, 2021

@tigerhawk

The 5 beers was for YOUR benefit. You’re talking to a drunk, remember?

You’re right, you and me are pretty fucking adorkable. MC says I’m a beautiful disaster…lol ..

Your comment about tits on a boar-hog reminded me of the one time a middle school orchestra teacher told us our mouths were running like a turkey’s butt with diarrhea. It’s been 24 years and I still remember her saying that “charming” phrase to us like it was this morning. I grew up in a poor rural area, as you know, so there was always a lot of those little colloquialisms.

I am already exhausted. Oof.

June 7, 2021

@thecriticsdarling – Oh, ok, fine.  You can drink me under the table and go, “Pathetic” at me while I’m napping.  😉

You say he says you’re a beautiful disaster and immediately the 311 song of the same name comes to mind…LOL

Ahhhh, good ol’ country-isms like blowing them at kids is absolutely no big deal.  I mean, why shouldn’t kids be exposed to expressions like that at 12 year olds…?

Adorkable…heh…I see what you did there!

June 4, 2021

Exquisite words decorating your page like candies on a cake.  Gosh, you are so gifted.

June 6, 2021

@novembercirese thank you for your constant support. I told Vicki the other day that I felt like you are both the guardian angels of OD. Also, I got your email–sorry I haven’t had a chance to respond yet. Currently I’m a bad penpal, just because Bridge is in the homestretch of her musical this week and next … Please know I’m not ignoring.

June 7, 2021

@thecriticsdarling I know how busy you are!!  You are working and raising children.  I had 5 children under the age of 6 and so I completely understand how busy life can get!!  What production is Bridget in?

June 9, 2021

I knew these were going to make me cry. Oh, Rox.