So, after yesterdays first day of diarying, I’m delighted that I’m back again today. I honestly don’t know how long I’ll maintain this as I’m a bit of an all or nothing person. I’m constantly looking for thati balance and totally flying past it to either the point of-
1. I’m the most up to date, fit, healthy, organised, smug person there is
I’m the most lazy, unhealthy, disorganised loser that hates herself and can’t get out of the bed
WHERE IS THE FUCKING HAPPY MEDIUM??? I’d pay someone to sort this out for me. I’m fed up of weaving from 1 to 2 and at the moment it’s more 2 than anything. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever weighed (16st when I checked months ago and definitely way over that now) and have a total sugar addiction, lazy bastard mood and oversleeping. I might be depressed but I’m fighting against it. I went down that road years ago and after a year on pills I got myself together and will never forget giving them up. It was horrendous and I really don’t want to go down that road again. But slowly I’m starting to wonder is that the answer. I should really talk to someone but fuck knows what to say as on paper my life is great. BUT my heart feels heavy, like i’m lost my mojo and it’s been like this for a while.
I mean I have this amazing honeymoon coming up in a month and I cant get excited about it at all. I’m just so fucking angry with myself that I can’t even muster excitement for 3 weeks in Florida & New York…. get a fucking grip woman!!!!!!
Anyway, shouty mode off- I’m going to make a list on my phone of things to do everyday to make me feel accomplished… yes there will be really mundane things like brush your teeth at night, go for a walk no matter what the weather etc. but it might just help remind me to do things and the little things all add up apparently.
Like today, I’m in late to work so I’m typing here instead of being productive🙄The sitting room needs hoovered but I cannot be fucked. Pupper needs walked but it’s blowing a hooley out there and he barely went out for a pee before running back in again so that’s my excuse for exercise today. Sigh….
Anyway, must go get my arse in gear.
Lovely typing for you…. byeeeee.