It’s hard

It was a hard day today.  It’s been a hard week, hard month, hard year, hard everything… It’s been hard.  And it just. keeps. getting. harder.

And I TRY.  I try so fucking hard every day to stay thankful for the things we have.  I KNOW how it is to have nothing.  To be a nothing.  I KNOW just hope low and got bad it can get.  I fight my head all fucking day to chase away the negatives and stay in the moment and be thankful for the little things and I’m EXHAUSTED.  I want so badly to just be happy and content with my life but it just keeps beating me down.  Every single time something finally goes right or starts to fall together something has to go wrong right with it and I’m SO TIRED OF FIGHTING IT.

The urge to just run away gets stronger every single day.  I think I could really do it.  I’ve justified it a million times.  I can’t do it but damn is it tempting.

I’m doing the therapy.  I’m taking the meds.  I’m doing the work.  I’m tired though.

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3 weeks ago

I’m so sorry. I’ve been there as well. It is very difficult to deal with. I don’t have anything smart to say to help you through it. Anything I could say, you’ve probably heard a million times before. And if you are like me, you’re tired of hearing the same lines over and over. There was a point where I felt like I was going to hit someone if they suggested that I spend time in the sun and get exercise.

I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. It is exhausting. But since you are in therapy, since you are on meds and I’m sure you’ve done a ton of other things. To me, that speaks of a part of you that is refusing to give up.

I mean you joined this site for a reason, right? I would guess because you were hoping something good would come from it.

3 weeks ago

*wraps arms around you and hugs you*