I never knew you…

It is not death that a man should fear, but rather never beginning to live”.
(Marcus Aurelius)
 

Way to start, 2020! On the 10th, one day before Mom’s birthday, I get a LinkedIn notice from a woman in France, working for a life insurance company, asking me about my brother, listing how he was my Mom’s son & when she died. My first thought was he’d finally gotten word she passed & wanted in on her life insurance policy, if any (none). I replied I was related, that Patrick was my brother & wanted to know what happened (had to wait ’til Monday to know more, as the business was, of course, closed). First thing Monday: “Ma’am, Patrick died last year & I’m looking for his relatives“. That’s it. No “Sorry for your loss”, no “Sorry to give you this news”, nothing, just a cold bucket to the face.

Patrick & I never met. He stayed in France when Mom and Dad moved to Latin America. I found him about 20 years ago, had a couple of conversations w/him and poof, we lost touch again. Still, I knew him to be my brother & though I can’t say I’ll grieve him as one does a sibling one grows up with, it’s still is kicking my ass a little bit. And I don’t understand that.

Rest in peace, mon grand, and may you and Mom meet again after all the years apart. In a way, I envy you.

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2 weeks ago

Oh, I am so very sorry for your loss.  What a horrible way to be told that Patrick had died.  Horrible!  Thinking of you this evening.

2 weeks ago

@wildrose_2 – Thanks. And well, that’s business for them! I’m still trying to locate folks who knew him and hoping it’s not a scam of sorts.

2 weeks ago

What a way to find out. I am so sorry for this *hugs*

2 weeks ago

@sparklethewingbug – Thanks. It’s weird though…

1 week ago

Wow, so sorry. I think it can be just as hard to lose what could have been, you know?

1 week ago

@queenofegypt – OMG I think you just found the perfect words for what I was feeling! That’s exactly it. What “could’ve been” also exists, as weird as that might sound. And yes, it’s hard to lose it because you no longer have the chance to make it into a “be”. And it hurts more when you had chances and did not take them.

Thanks for this.

1 week ago

@thenerve Of course! 💜

1 week ago

I am so sorry for your loss. Even with distance and time, some things are still painful.

 

1 week ago

@unscathedcorpse – Thanks. And yes, they are… particularly when you turn out to be the only living relative left and new info keeps coming at you nearly every day :

7 days ago

I’m so sorry about your brother. People definitely need to learn to be more sensitive.

7 days ago

@justamillennial – Thanks. And beh, one can only control how one reacts… we should not stress ourselves with other people’s behaviors  🙂 It’s THEIR problem, not mine.

5 days ago

Awh well I am sorry for your loss!!! Knowing him well or not, it’s still going to hurt. Family, is family. *hugs*

5 days ago

@girl_gone_wild – Thanks. I think it would not “hurt” as much as it’s turning out to hurt if I didn’t have to deal with his affairs… which are turning out to be rather numerous.

3 days ago

So sorry for the loss of your brother.

2 days ago

@countrychickadee – Thanks.A weird-feeling loss, but still a loss.