REALLY, LADY?!!

“Lord, give me patience… ’cause if You give me strength, Imma beat the shit out of that bitch”. (Anonymous)

So, this is how my ‘eve went (how was yours?):

1 – I get to hardware store to hopefully find a synchronous motor (& don’t); as I walk toward the door, this princess in her SUV backs up full-on right when I’m passing her enchanted pumpkin, so, I bang on the thing. She breaks. Pokes head out window. Admonishes ME: I don’t have a backup camera, you need to be careful about walking!. I respond: You DO have a back-up camera, snowflake, it’s called a HEAD!. I swear this mall attracts some of the stupidest folks. 

2 – Hardware store is 99% devoid of all Christmas items (having been overstuffed less than a week ago). I feel stabbed in the heart… but buy another 500 Christmas lights, as they’re on sale for $2/100, & you can NEVER have too many lights. EVER. Now my tree looks like it wants to vomit. Beautiful sight.3 – Went to the Mexican market to get stuff to make buñuelos & café de rompope. Successfully resisted childhood pastries that taunt whenever I’m there. Shove it, bitches!

4 – I watch FRED CLAUS for the first time. I laugh so hard @ Fred’s delivery sequence that I again summon J &N onto my bed to stare at me in ready-to-pounce mode, eyes fixated on me just in case I make a false move. Who’d have known Santa is contractually obligated to eat EVERY instance of milk+cookies left for him on delivery day, at warp speed?!

5 – I get J & N for Christmas (day1): cozy, new beds, + catnip balls (because J likes to train me to play fetch). They communicate they don’t give a shit about either. N re-claims my pillow, & J curls up atop the remote. N sniffs his ball, stares back at me offended, & makes a 180. J  stares at me w/pity, then goes & gets his 8-yr-old, stinky, saliva-ladden, dusty, mangled ball, & meows to tell me I really need to learn the difference. THIS is his ball (the one he sleeps with), not that one. 

  

6 – I light up my veladora & place it by the door, like every year. May all my departed heart-dwellers continue in the light, as it’s the only way I keep my heart from going dark.

7 – GOD BLESS MY FUCKING NASAL SPRAY!!! which I finally found after 4 days of having the mother of all colds give birth to a pounding migraine inside my head, along w/its siblings: Runny Nose, Fever, GotFlattenedBySteamroller Muscles, & Murdering Back, and holding hostage my respiratory system. It’s heavenly to at least be able to breathe.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, Y’ALL! May these 12 days bring all you need for this & the New Year.

 

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December 26, 2019

People sometimes. Gotta love’em. I’ve been extra careful driving in parking lots with all of the holiday shoppers!  Your cats are adorable! I hear that Siamese have some of the best personalities! I need to watch that movie as i have not seen it yet either!

December 27, 2019

@hannah_banana0012 – Oh they do have very particular personalities. J and I are joined at the hip, though. I’d love to say that’s an exageration but I can’t. He goes to the bathroom when I go (I don’t mean he walks into the bathroom, he GOES to do his business when he sees me walking toward it – I’m left standing in line, waiting for him to be done.

And yay on you being extra careful driving. Shoppers don’t bug me as much as idiots like this princess – I mean, how am *I* responsible for her lack of enough sense to LOOK where tf she’s doing? LOL

December 26, 2019

People need to learn to drive. How did she get her license, if she can’t back up without a backup camera? Each car has a backup mirror.

December 27, 2019

@justamillennial – Back-up mirror? But wait, what’s THAT? Must be some archaic device no one uses anymore. How dare you suggest common sense?  😁

December 26, 2019

I have a back-up camera, but I forget to use it.

December 27, 2019

@queenofegypt – But do you just then press on and start collecting points for each victim or do you, in some form, look behind?  😉

December 27, 2019

@thenerve Mmm, depends on whether or not I like people that day. 😁

But no, I always look behind and to the side. One of my worst fears is an animal or a person darting behind my car suddenly.

December 27, 2019

@queenofegypt – ROFL! I was beginning to applaud at the “whether or not I like” bit. If only some things were legal…  😛  But seriously, what got me of SuperMoron Woman was that she implied I’m responsible for her stupidity.  I might be dating myself but I learned to drive a friggin’ stick (have never forgotten!) and without a “cammie” to help my ass. It tees me off that folks take an aid like that and make it a substitute for common sense.

December 27, 2019

@thenerve I hear you. Like when people follow GPS instruction too literally. “Turn right now,” and they turn right into a pond or a building.

December 27, 2019

@queenofegypt – LMFAO.  that just made me spit my coffee. My GPS is an idiot, it never fails… to tell me to turn right or left about 2 blocks past where I should turn. ALWAYS.

December 26, 2019

Since when is not having a backup cam an excuse for almost running someone over when backing up? Ugh, people. I have a backup cam but still use mirrors and look as well…

 

December 27, 2019

@cherrywine_1 – Exactly my point. Apparently, according to the gospel of Mighty SUV Princess, it’s my responsibility to make sure that she is able to drive blindfolded without any accidents, by getting the heck out of her way.

December 27, 2019

Sounds like a heck of a ride during Christmas!

December 27, 2019

Aww, your cats are adorable!

Nice to meet someone who agrees that you can never have too many Christmas lights!  🙂

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

December 27, 2019

@countrychickadee – And Merry Christmas (NO YOU CAN’T HAVE TOO MANY LIGHTS!) and Happy New Year to you as well 😛    That’s just one cat though (it’s J). The other one runs away whenever he sees the camera flash, I have a devil of a time trying to get a picture of him…

5 days ago

I read this entry like a month ago and came back and had timed out so I didn’t leave a comment. I laughed so hard through this post! Lol