Ships

“Don’t give up five minutes before your miracle . . .” (Barbara Niven)

If you had the option of letting people know the ONE thing they should know about you, what would it be?

What you must know about me, unequivocally, is that I DO NOT joke about suicide, and that if you do it around me, whatever relationship we have, friendship, loveship, godship, gunship, kinship, workmateship, clientship, acquaintanceship, whatevership… THAT ship will have sailed, never to return again. With a big “FuckYou” flag waving proud atop.  And so, a 20-year friendship is suddenly gone. We have a saying, where I come from: “Guerra avisada no mata soldados” – you knew the bullets were coming. You should’ve ducked.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Your shit will not remain shit. I *guarantee* it. PLEASE reach out if you’re considering taking your life (to me or to anyone you think would listen).

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2 weeks ago

I rarely joke about suicide. I get upset whenever there is a suicide in the news, no matter what the person was like. I may not mourn their death, but I get sad thinking about what their last moments were probably like. The thoughts they were thinking.

This is not really the same. But your entry made me think of it. I had a friend, I wouldn’t say we were good friends or anything. She posted something heartless on Facebook about the homeless. It was just this complaint about wishing she didn’t have to see them or something similar to that. It really made me mad. I left a comment talking about the statistics of homelessness, how many of them have a mental illness, how many are veterans suffering from PTSD. And then I ended the friendship.

One thing I would add is it isn’t just that people should reach out when they’re struggling, but other people need to receptive. I recently wrote an entry where I was angry about all the times I cried out for help and people ignored it because it was not a good time for them.

2 weeks ago

@heffay – Oh, I have seen cases that haunt me to this day – precisely for the same reason: I keep wondering in how much pain [inside] they were in their last moments.

As for the homeless, I’d never joke about ’em but I do have reservations, as our homless (where I live) WANT TO STAY on the street, mental issues or not, & it’s turning dangerous (in August, one of ’em jumped out of a bush during lunchtime & beat the crap out of a neighbor of mine who was taking a walk, riiiiight behind my house – left her in a coma). I’ve found ’em sleeping on my porch w/a butcher knife when leaving for work, pissing/pooping on my porch, bathing w/my hose while STARK NAKED next to my door (thank God for the security door!), making a mess out of everyone’s trashcans on pick-up day, pissing in a bottle and tossing the bottle at CHILDREN PLAYING… I could go on. Our neighborhood is now overrun by ’em & we can no longer go to the local park or walk around our own blocks for fear of being attacked. So, as California does not grant firearm permits to 99% of civilians, I have taken to taking walks with a bat, because I refuse to stop walking on their account, & you better believe that if they try something on me, they’re going to meet their match. UGH. Sorry about the rant but that issue gets me going. The city govmt. does ZERO – of course, they don’t live in the affected areas, but up in the hills, in gated communities, why should they care? We’ve offered TONS of resources to these folks, & they flat out refuse. We don’t have the type of homeless who want what they once had – or I’d be the first one to do whatever I could for them (I have a ridiculously soft spot for the military). We’ve also seen many panhandling at every store front (& they’ll *follow* you to your car!), & 1 hour later, you see them get into a Mercedes and drive off.

And you’re RIGHT, folks should also be receptive (I do remember your entry) – & that’s part of why some people commit suicide; they approach someone, & that person  withdraws because they feel uncomfortable. I do too – I mean, come on, if despite my efforts they still take their lives, I’m going to feel like shit for a loooong time, but I don’t let what has not yet happened stop me from making something good happen if I can.

2 weeks ago

@thenerve I should say that what the person said about the homeless was really heartless and just awful. I don’t have a damn clue how to solve it. But for a class, we were assigned spots around the city and we had to look and act homeless. I only briefly experienced it and I never want to again. We were treated so terribly. Maybe it’s because I’m a straight white male, but it was the first time I felt hated instantly, the second people saw me.

I also know my opinion about homelessness is how it is because I almost never have to deal with them. If I had to experience what you do, it’d be different. I guess my stance is more that I know they are a problem, I have no clue how to actually help them, but they’re still humans. But again, I rarely have to deal with them. So I have a bit of a naive point of view.

2 weeks ago

@heffay – Honestly, I’m all for helping, but if they’re willfully in their situation and, in refusing help they become a danger to others, they should be treated like infractors, and forced into facilities that will turn their lives around (not jails, mind you, but facilities should exist for them particularly, and nobody’s doing that).

I feel for your experience in being homeless for a day – we had to do something similar (with another “problem” issue) when I was in college. It was awful, but I would 100% excuse anyone who treated me badly when I exhibited a refusal for help.

2 weeks ago

I think people who commit suicide are idiots because there is always other ways to deal with issues no matter how rock bottom you are…..I know people who have killed themselves and it was at work and I thought that they should have not done it there and the guy who found him I felt really bad for him .  I think a really good friend who is willing to listen and just be there is the best way to go……Life is so short and precious….

2 weeks ago

@jaythesmartone – THEY ARE NO MORE IDIOTS THAN YOU OR I. When you’re in pain, your sight of things is limited by that pain. And if you have not experienced it, you’re really in no place to lecture any of them.

2 weeks ago

@jaythesmartone Your comment is incredibly insensitive and judgmental. As someone who HAS attempted suicide and survived, I can tell you that I didn’t reach out to friends bc I didn’t want to burden those I love with my issues. I thought they were better off without me. I couldn’t see other solutions and just wanted the pain to end. Mercifully, I survived… You should be glad you don’t understand what drives someone to be suicidal, rather than condemning someone who is suffering and feels that suicide is their only option.

2 weeks ago

@jaythesmartone That is an extremely awful thing to say about people who are suffering! My Grandmother committed suicide she battled cancer for years she also was stating to develop alzheimers. She was NO idiot let me tell you! She was a person suffering and tired of fighting. I take great offense to that comment!

2 weeks ago

@thecriticsdarling – I LOVE that we still have you with us. All kudos to you for being strong enough to survive! I takes a hell of a lot of balls to do that when you’re in the kind of pain that drives you to something as drastic.

2 weeks ago

@dancingthrough – I’m so sorry about your grandma  🙁    {{ }}

2 weeks ago

@thenerve Thank you for “getting it.” Sorry for going rogue on your entry… 🙂 But I have a hard time being quiet when I am passionate about something. Many people write on this site about their issues with depression and mental health struggles. This is supposed to be a place to be ourselves… I know I don’t come here to be judged harshly about the path I’ve walked by someone who has apparently been lucky enough not to walk that path… I’m betting others don’t either. 🙂 Jus’ sayin’. (Oh god, I swore I’d never use that phrase…now I’m judging me too! Lol.) Thank you for handling this topic with mercy and grit.

2 weeks ago

@thenerve also, I promise I’m not the bitch I am sounding like. Ask Heffay & @dancingthrough….they think I’m lovely. Lol.

2 weeks ago

@thecriticsdarling Very interesting that you didn’t tag me. No @ in front of my name while asking me to defend your character. Hmm…

2 weeks ago

@heffay Damn it, Jeff, calling that bluff. I knew you would tell everyone what a bag of d’s I really am. 🙂

2 weeks ago

@heffay She didn’t tag me, either. That’s it!

2 weeks ago

@thenerve Thank you. I just sent a friend request to you if that’s okay

2 weeks ago

@thecriticsdarling – Haha, you don’t sound like a bitch at all. And that’s what entries are for, expressing yourself, so, go nuts!  🙂

And you’re right… most people lucky enough not to have tried could not understand. I personally have not tried it but I’ve seen someone do it and don’t know why I feel like when someone is in that much pain it kind of transfers over to me as if I were feeling it. It haunts me for long periods of time.

2 weeks ago

Totally agree with you here, there is nothing funny about a person who is suffering to that point, and there are always alternatives, even a minute at a time.

I will need to remember Guerra avisada no mata soldados!

2 weeks ago

@thediarymaster – Indeed there isn’t. It’s just sad that it’s hard to know what to do for each of them, because each is so different, though. Like you said, a minute at a time.

2 weeks ago

I need to apologize to everyone who reacted to my comment.  What i was trying to say is that if I am close to someone who wanted to end their life, and I know a lot who were very close but for whatever reason they listened to me and they are still here.  but then I was with them 24/7 for a long time and made sure they had someone to talk to or not talk to,I was just there.

I know I would do everything in my power to be with a person who thought the world was not a place for them.  I am very senitive to people and their needs and will always be there for them no matter what I am going through.

I am really sorry to offend everyone but I was just trying to give my perspective and yes I have never actually seen anyone end their life but I know a handful who have and I still miss them today….I hope I will get another chance with you…..

2 weeks ago

Nope, it’s definitely not a joke. I’ve lost relatives and friends to suicide. I’ve come close to the edge myself a few times. I don’t blame you for walking away from that friendship; people who don’t get it should (a be thankful and (b educate themselves so that they can be there for others because it’s guaranteed that they will encounter someone suffering at some point.

2 weeks ago

@queenofegypt – You’re right. But it seems like some don’t care when they have not been there. And the lack of empathy for that kind of pain is why I remove myself from being surrounded by folks who are too cocky to think they’re better than that.

2 weeks ago

So this means we are not friends here on OD?  Is there anything I can do to make this up to you?  I am making brownies today and chocolate chip cookies…I can send them to you if you want?

2 weeks ago

I agree, suicide is nothing to joke about. My dad attempted suicide in ‘16, it’s very heartbreaking for family and friends who have to go through that. So sweet of you to offer your support.

2 weeks ago

@justamillennial – It’s a necessity.  Is your dad still w/us, then?

6 days ago

I am conflicted about suicide.  On one hand there are people who are suffering mental illness and attempt suicide as a result.  Then there are others (mostly older people) who want the right to commit suicide when they decide the time is right.  It is difficult to reconcile these disparate situations.  Personally I support right to terminate your own life in the event of intolerable suffering.  Specifically for me, I do not want to live if I have moderate to severe dementia. I believe that it’s my right to discontinue my life in these circumstances.  I do not want others making this decision for me.

6 days ago

@trunorth – I hear you. I actually support the right to euthanasia by one’s own hand in the case of terminal illness without any hope and where extreme pain has set in. I do not support it as a way out of a problem, because problems have solutions – they’re never permanent unless WE make them permanent.  I have another OD friend who has a loved one going through dementia, and I don’t personally know anyone with it, so I can’t affirm this, but I would wonder if there is actual *suffering* or if it’s just extreme loss of memory.

And I DEFINITELY am against third parties making advanced medical decisions for anyone, unless they’re mentally incompetent to do so. I can’t even IMAGINE wanting to give up life in order to end a situation that has a solution that I might just not yet see, but I DO understand that it’s that serious.  This entry was mostly about folks who joke about suicide, because of that seriousness.  I just ended a longstanding friendship because this “friend” made a very crude joke about it, and she KNEW how I felt, but did not think I was serious enough to follow through on my stance. Well, there she has it!