PimpMaster TimmyTM, Part I

Status Report

Wearing: White shirt with Curious George on it that says “Another Child Star Gone Bad.” People seem to love this shirt.

Feeling: Refreshed.

WinAmp is playing: Darude, Warp Brothers, Crystal Method, Prodigy, Hybrid, Underworld, Pink Floyd techno mix

Last ate: Burger General Disk Error’s mom made. And some sweet pork. I’m eating some tostidos in salsa at the moment.

Entry Start Time: 8:41 PM

Based on Esther’s “Senses”.

Okay, what day is it? If it weren’t for a calendar or other people telling me, I really wouldn’t know. Oh my, where has the week gone? The Friday before last was my last day of work before the two week break. That two week break is now half gone. I think I’ve spent every day with Kivudet, minus one. I can barely remember everything that’s happened in the past week or so. I know we did stuff that Friday, but I can’t remember what. I know we saw Bruce Almighty at some point. I know we went on a massive string of renting movies. I know we went to Cupid’s Treasure and I bought a cock ring.

Oh yes, my cock ring. General Disk Error and I amused ourselves by discussing all the products in Cupid’s Treasures. He bought some Dick Tacs. He thought they tasted good, but I disagreed. We actually talked to the guy behind the register, at one point. He said we looked familiar. (As if I don’t get that enough.) I noticed some cock rings on the wall, and I got an idea.

Despite the fact that I don’t have a girlfriend, I decided it was time I got a cock ring. It’s red. It has sexy spikes. I’m not ready to advance to an actual metal ring. I mean, what if I can’t get it off? I like how the cock ring looks on me. Let me show you a picture.

It’s sexy. It’s a real conversation-piece, just like My Sexy Fedora. When people see it, they ask about it. Of course, more often than not, I tell people about it. And, in case you haven’t figured it out, that’s a picture of my arm, and that’s where I wear it. Honestly, I don’t see why it’s called a ring. It’s more like a bracelet. A cock bracelet. And does it give me harder, firmer erections? Actually, yes, when I wear it downstairs. You’re supposed to put it around your cock and balls, which is what I do. *smirks* Ten bucks for that, and it’s the best sexual aid I’ve ever gotten. Talk about a bang for your buck. What the fuck? *laughs* And I haven’t even named it, nor do I intend to.

I remember watching the Erotic Witch Project. I think I mentioned that somewhere else. I remember getting some movies from that place in Chester (one town over from Bang Bang Bruce) and having the guy ask Kivudet to call his dad because Kivudet has no photo ID. He let us rent anyway, probably because of the horrible choice of movies we had. We got some food and jews, and went to Grunge’s house. We had food, movies, and time. All he had to do was sit down and gorge himself while watching stuff. We rented Killer Klowns From Outer Space, Once Bitten, and Memento. Killer Klowns was… just a .. laughable bad movie. Not as bad as Troll 2, but pretty bad. Once Bitten was Jim Carrey’s first movie. It was pretty funny. It’s like they had Timmy play the character Jim Carrey did. The only virgin in the ENTIRE TOWN. Silly 80’s. I’ve seen Memento before, but I felt like watching it again. Kivudet seems to dislike serious movies. At the end of the evening, we made Grunge watch THEREPUBLICANMATRIX, because he had never seen it before. I should watch it again and again, then go write about BIGGAYDAN. Oh boy, have I got a lot of material.

By the time we finished all that, the sun had come up. Oh, and Kivudet was to GOTO the Jersey Shore with his family that day. He informed me only that night. Whatever. We tried to get Grunge to come with his, but his parents are jews. I mean, they suck. I’m sure Jewish parents can be very liberal? Uhhh. I slept in The Van outside of Kivudet’s house for a couple hours. Kivudet said his family would be leaving early but uhhh, we left his house around 12:30.

Kivudet’s mom is a bitch. Normally, such a thing being said would be an insult but. His mom’s a bitch! No wonder he has such a negative view of the female species. Bitch, moan, complain. Who complains about how she hates the beach, before even getting in the car? Kivudet’s little brother is Minimally Exceptional. He’s 11, but he acts like he’s 6. There is little reason with the kid. I could diss his dad for shoving pills down his throat, but I think the whole easy-to-get-money-out-of-him thing balances things out.

It wasn’t until I got there and walked around that I recognized that I have actually been to Point Pleasant before. Uhh. I got naked. (Well, except for my trunks.) And felt very sexy. Even without talking to a girl. *smirks* I couldn’t see that well because I didn’t have my glasses on. The girl had most of her hair dyed red. Not like a red-head, more like red. Why her? Well, she was looking around for stuff. Kivudet nudged me to go talk to her, but otherwise didn’t do anything to help me. Good boy. As I said, I couldn’t see much, so I couldn’t do much to help her find interesting thing. Uh. Not much to this. Random encounter on the beach.

Kivudet effectively wasted a lot of his dad’s money gambling. Slot machines that give you tokens. At the end, we had somewhere around 8115 points. He tried getting more money out of his dad, but uhh. *laughs* We got two mugs, three shot glasses, five chinese finger traps, and two army men (for his little brother).

I remember giving myself a day off from social contact after that day. Kivudet said his family was going to Six Fags BIGGAYADVENTURE, so General Disk Error and I joined him. We hit the Safari park thingie first. Sadly, we couldn’t go see the monkeys and have them throw their bodily fluids at the car. Personally, I think Safaris are a mockery of animals, but whatever. Imagine a human zoo with aliens coming through in their vehicles to oogle and take pictures of you.

We hit the water park, and I was blind for that portion of the day. Meaning, the time when I would want to be able to see (and see half-naked females), I couldn’t. *frowns* I can’t say it enough, GIRLS ARE SO BEAUTIFUL. *laughs* Young girls of all shapes and sizes. *spaces out* So many cute faces. Amazes me how girls can obsess over looks when they look just fine the way they are.