I am so afraid of being hurt that I do not allow myself to trust anything that anyone says. Its a very difficult way of life if i’m honest. I can never allow myself to be close to anyone because they will hurt me. You see,  I stopped believing that people are genuine a long time ago. Humans, we lie, cheat and steal to protect our fragile little egos. Hey… I know that I sure do. Trusting people has hurt me and I’m holding on by a thread. I cannot take one more thing before I have a complete shut down. The pressure that comes with doing the right thing is heavy. To avoid not getting hurt, I hurt. I silently yell and scream when I don’t get my way. Its like there’s two of me. One where I’m scared of being hurt so I protect myself with the second me who silently yells and screams until I get my way. When i don’t, I manipulate, all the while being on guard because someone will do it to me. I live in this constant cycle and its exhausting.

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November 6, 2021

im right there with you.

November 6, 2021

I know exactly what you’re talking about and yes, it is definitely exhausting!