I don’t know what I weigh eight now, It can’t be good though. My beginning goal was 130 pounds by October 3rd, 2013. I don’t think I can make that goal. So maybe I need to make a new start, a new/old goal and just try to start anew. I was on Xanga, but they are closing and my whole history was on there, sigh. All my blogs, my thoughts, it’s all gone now. But I need to make this my new home to keep track of what I need to lose, what is working, what isn’t and move forward.
So I guess I will weigh tomorrow morning and see where I am at and what I need to do to get to goal. I would be ok with 150 pounds, at my age and having had 2 kids I know 130 might not be attainable, but I would like to be as low as possible.
I have to start therapy, again, with a new therapist this time. Last time I tried it I wasted 2 years and way to much money and got nothing from them but how their damn kid was doing every week. I paid her to tell me about her life. Fuck me I was so stupid at the time I didn’t even realize what was going on. It makes me sick to think about me sitting there trying to be polite rather than telling her to shove her kid, I was there for me and getting help with my issues, not to listen to her blather on about her life. I mean there is nothing wrong with having a conversation but she was just an idiot and I don’t know how she ever got a license, sigh.
This time I am going to a man. I don’t know how this is going to work out and to be frank, I am terrified to go. Yet somehow, I am kind of excited. Maybe he can help me get over the horrors of my childhood and the pain I have been put through my entire life. I hope it will be different this time. I know for certain I am not letting it turn into me paying to listen to him talk about his life. I want help to get over this shit and shut it out for good. I can’t go on like this forever, please God let me get over this crap.
Anyhoo, if anyone reads this, tell me hi, I love getting comments and I always try to leave something encouraging when I visit your page.