It was inevitable, but it was something I didn’t want to think that it could happen. That it would happen. I wanted it to be forever, I wanted it to last a lifetime. However, as the saying goes all good things must come to and end. Silverchair, a band I’ve loved since 1995 has chosen to go on what is they called an “indefinite hiberanation. ” It broke my heart, even though I knew this day had to come. This is something you can’t prepare yourself for even if you know it’s coming. Even if you know it’s inevitable. At the age of fifteen the band entered my life and became a favorite the second I heard “Tomorrow” on the local radio station on a hot summer day in May. I instantly found a love for the band, and of course had a mad fangirl crush for the longest of times on lead singer Daniel Johns.
It wasn’t until 1997-1998 and into 2000 that this band had become more than just a favorite to me. They were the band that saved me, kept me alive in the dark days. Neon Ballroom was released in 1999, it became something more than just music. I could relate to songs such as Emotion Sickness, Ana’s Song (Open Fire), Black Tangled Heart. While Ana’s Song was written after Daniel’s struggle with anorexia, it related to me in a way as well. My anorexia was not anorexia but cutting. It was like this song spoke to me, was written for me in my own way of interpretation. “And your my obsession, I love you to the bones and Ana wrecks your life, like an anorexia life.” That lyric, the whole song, related to my own “anorexia”, while I didn’t suffer from it, I was a cutter and this song was one of those songs that meant so much to me in it’s raw truth. Emotion Sickness, a beautiful song, (and this is where Silverchair began to grow musically, where they had grown up in the four years I had been listening) one that also had lyrics that stood out. “E-motion sickness, distorted eyes when everything is clearly dying. burn my knees and burn my knees and pray burn my knees and burn my knees and pray [all my friends say]Get up get up get up get up get up get up get up won’t you stop my pain ” Truth in those lyrics as well, it just spoke to me and it seemed everyone was telling me juts that, but it hurt too much and all I wanted was to stop my pain. Two songs from Frogstomp stood out. Shade and Suicidal Dream. Shade was the song that had a glimmer of hope, just enough to keep me going day to day when it felt like I couldn’t. It’s lyrics so perfect and so true. Daniel is amazing for such lyrics. “If you’re hurt, why don’t you tell someone, don’t feel bad, you’re not the only one, you’re not the only one, yeah. Don’t go hiding, hiding in the shade, dont go hiding, hiding in the shade.” I felt as if that song right there was telling me to not to let myself fall further down to keep trying to go on and not hide. Suicidal Dream, while it sounds exactly as you think.. didn’t relate to me at all. It was the song that numbed me. It would be on repeat in my dark room, lit by only a blacklight. Me lying on the floor, stricken with emotions that seemed too hard to bear. The sounds of the lyrics, the guitar as it started out, the music itself put me in a state of pure numbness. I often fell asleep in this state. Hands down this band had many songs that I related to, that became anthems to me, and that helped me pull through.
November 29th, 2007. Epic. After thirteen years of loving this band, being faithful to this band my time had finally come. I got to see them in concert. The entry I wrote for that epic night, and it seems not so long ago! You’re my favorite thing-One that I love. . I would love to relive that night over and over again. It was a night that I will never forget. Looking back as I read that entry again I see my closing statements: “even if i never see them again, im okay with that. finally the one band that’s meant the most to me for the past twelve years i’ve seen live. i can smile and look back and realize this was beyond one of the best moments of my life.” And it was, and still is. I am content with seeing them once I suppose. It was fate and simply meant to be.
Overall this band has never once left my list of favorites, I know all the songs, relate to many of them. The band has grown so much over the years, from the days of Frogstomp in all it’s grunge days glory to Young Modern, a true sound of evolution. Evolving into something far greater than I would have ever imagined. The music grew as did Daniel Johns, Ben Gillies and Chris Joannou. It became a sound that defined them and a sound that would be the last. Young Modern brought me closer to the band, it was the CD that allowed me to see them.
I dedicate this entry to the band. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for creating music, being a part of my life. Making things epic that night I saw you live for the first and final time. Thank you for the music that got me through those dark days. I’ve heard you change and grow right along with me. You’ve made my life amazing by creating music. So thank you, for everything. I do wish I could have told you all this in person, and Daniel, I thank you most of all for being the amazing lyricist that you are. Thank you for saving me.