With truth on the shores of compassion You seem to take premise to all of these songs

On this day three years ago, this site returned and I found myself rushing to make an entry. I planned to write more and yet I never did much in those three years. I wanted to but life just simply went haywire, crazy and I never got the art  back as I had once before. When I started writing here back in 1998 I do believe, it had a purpose. It held so much darkness though and through that darkness this site became a light. I wrote how I felt and it all seemed to fade away. I found those who read, left notes and they too were like beacons of light  in the darkest days.  And when the end was a near I realized I didn’t need this outlet anymore. I had come so far. The darkness had faded and the words simply were done. 

I barely saved entries and deleted my diary for good. I didn’t want to remember the some of those entries. They were all painful reminders of a life and a darkness that I no longer wanted to hold on to. I found the end of a tunnel—and the light that shined through like a beacon waiting for me. I found hope and held on. And it found me. Though in the past three years I have been tested in ways that I never thought I’d be.  2020 brought on some emotions that frankly scared the shit out of me and depression struck hard. For the first time ever, I found myself seeking professional therapy because I was not okay. In all the years of being depressed as I was, living in a  world of perpetual darkness I never sought therapy. This was bad and real bad. 2020 really changed my life, but then again it changed all of our lives. I knew that something inside me changed and everything I planned and lived for had been changed. It was one trying year until I caught myself from falling. I had fallen and more than I would have liked. The therapy helped, and I had learned a very valuable lesson. I simply learned to adapt to not going to things, doing anything.

I planned my life months in advance. Event after event. I never lived for the present. I needed to do things. I thought I needed that to live. My mental and emotional health may have suffered a lot more than I ever realized because I simply had not felt this way in a long time. Darkness terrified me. I forced myself to get up and work and get by. I learned the art of getting by. I learned the art of living in the present. Living without  a single concert, festival or even seeing family. There is so much more I could write here and I will be back because damn I’ve learned a lot and I’m setting out on a brand new journey in my life—a new chapter in my life and I have never been so excited about anything in my life as this.

See you soon OD. See you soon.