Life with an Alcoholic
Living with an alcoholic is hell. Literally hell.
You never know what type of “drunk” you’re going to get. It could be a “fun” one; you’re playing games, you’re listening to music, you’re enjoying each others company/the situation. Or it could be the “flip on a dime” one; you have to walk on eggshells because one sentence can be misinterpreted and lead to an endless night of arguing with no resolution. Or it could be the “sleepy” drunk; they started drinking so early and continued so by 8/9 pm they’re snoring on the couch and you feel at ease. But then worry constantly they’ll wake up and start an argument or worse – piss in random places (outside, showers, the bed – all true stories). Or it could be the “mean” one; no matter what is said you are always in the wrong, you are called names, your character is attacked, you are berated while they feel like they sit higher than you. One thing is for certain – no matter the “drunk” you will never hear “I’m sorry” the next day for their actions the night/day before, they most likely won’t remember (trust me; it’s been admitted), and honestly, “they drank because YOU did something to MAKE them drink” – again true story (“I drink because you bitch”)
Most times you have asked said drunk to stop drinking, or confronted them about their alcoholism and it just makes them madder. It in fact causes an argument where blame is flipped. I know this – I assume most people that live with alcoholic do; but maybe it’s me, I still cannot keep quiet and find it hard to “enable” it so I speak up. And what have I learned about speaking up – they do everything in their power to resent you. Instead of proving you wrong and NOT drinking, they drink to excess. As if to say “HA! You said I can’t stop drinking – watch me” – and then comes the drunk the morning after with an excuse “If you didn’t bitch all of the time, I wouldn’t drink“. Missing the entire point that I wouldn’t be a bitch IF YOU WEREN’T DRINKING. 👏🏻 You can also guarantee that the next morning will begin with a kiss and a “good morning – how did you sleep” Abbott and Castelo routine.
I also find that drunks care little about their appearance, unless they are going out. Because keeping up an appearance for the public is important to them. Most alcoholics are closet alcoholics aka functioning alcoholic. They go to work, they have friends, they have a family, they have a social life and chances are every activity that they choose to participate in involves alcohol. But at home; they are sloppy, lazy, disgusting, and are minimally involved in the day to day runnings of the family they wanted/created. Mine will go sometimes 3/4 days without showering. Before the affair he would shower ONE day a week – Wednesday the night he went to his weekly pool league. He didn’t care enough about himself to care what it did to us. He claims he had an affair because his needs weren’t being met (and a lot of things) – but let’s be honest NO ONE wants to suck a dick that hasn’t been washed in 6 days, no one wants a dirty body rubbing all of them, dry/cracked dirty hands. Because my S/O works in a general trade – he is outside in all weathers, using his hands, tools – he is dirty when he comes home from work. I’ve explained to him how important smell is and how it can trigger memories….His general cleanliness and upkeep is subpar – if. But yet they have high standards for others; for most of our relationship he would joke “if you gain 15 lbs I’ll leave” or saying a co-worker smelled like a poopy diaper.
ZERO ACCOUNTABILITY. It doesn’t matter the situation. Every situation is flipped around; the sober individual is manipulated and left confused. They destroy every part of you. You are left feeling hopeless, worthless, you question everything about yourself. Because chances are you have stayed with this person for a lot of years. You are conditioned to believe what they say. You’re smart enough to know better, but they have a hold on you that you can’t break. Because they have made you feel reliant on them. They drug is your kryptonite. You walk on eggshells, you second guess yourself, you find yourself over explaining because you are in a constant state of approval and proving your points because talking with a drunk person is like talking to a toddler – circles with no resolution.
Anxiety and heart palpitations. They’ve fallen asleep in a peaceful drunken sleep and you’re finally able to relax and “unwind” but you’re still on fight or flight mode. You’re still tip toeing so as not to wake them. You keep your kids quiet. You try and shut off your mind but it can’t it replays the scenario trying to understand how it went south so quickly. You also think of the things you should have done but didn’t, the things you should have said but didn’t. You also think back to what started the argument that lead to drinking insistently and realize you shouldn’t have bothered. If you had not shared with them the night wouldn’t have been the way it was. You remind yourself over and over DO NOT SHARE ANYTHING WITH HIM. You make a promise to yourself to keep him at arms length and promise yourself you won’t share anything personal anymore, just surface. Fully knowing that its a lie. You will fall right into their trap all over again.
Living with an alcoholic is just as bad as being the alcoholic.
⁑ DISCLAIMER ⁑
Remember: you are reading MY “perspective” of given events. These writings are MY feelings; whether they are present tense – written in the moment, past tense – drafted during the day, or anticipated – futuristic. All information provided is what I know from the information I have been given. As with any and every situation there are multiple sides to share the account. It is at the discretion of the reader to which side they favor.