half of my heart is in Havana

I intended to title this something from “Change Your Mind” because Google play decided I needed done Sister Hazel in my life and it made me want to write again, but then a commercial came on with that Havana song and it won’t leave my head.

I miss it here. I know it will never be the same for several reasons, but I miss long-form writing. I tweet like…a lot…and I post on Instagram all the time, but nothing has take the place of OD, even a paper journal.

So what’s new? O is four and loves preschool and is still completely enamored with ocean life, it looks like a second kid is not going to happen, Matt has a better job but no benefits so money is better but health insurance is exorbitant. Our marriage is still happy, Colleen is still my best friend, my sister bought a house and a horse, both of which needed a LOT of work so that’s been a fun distraction, and my parents are still healthy and happy. Everything is puttering along.

I spent most of last year playing meds roulette, trying to get a handle on my mental health, and feeling like I lost the entire summer. I barely went to the beach and I felt awful so much of the time, and we didn’t have any mental health coverage so I paid through the nose for the privilege of feeling like shit constantly. I feel somewhat better now but I have an appointment this week to decide if this is it or if there’s room for improvement. I was supposed to get bloodwork but my PCP randomly decided that after over a year of filling my thyroid meds, she didn’t want to any more, so I fought with her office for a week and was without them for four days, long enough to make sure any labs I have done will have inaccurate thyroid results. I still need to get them fine before my appointment Thursday, though, and I’m kind of furious that they might be off still?

This feels good. I don’t even know if anyone is still out there but even writing into the void is a comfort.