Just A Second, We’re Not Broken

We actually were.  I have no illusions about how you and I were.  I am not that grieving person.  But I miss you every damn day.

Last night I dreamed of you.  We had conversations (although I don’t remember verbatim what about), but things were resolved.  You knew you were gone (or my brain knew…I don’t know how to describe it).  We made love.  I said a thing to you that I normally wouldn’t say to you but to someone else and you retorted to me with “Oh I won’t, that’s not me.”

I don’t want to be at work today.  I just want to exist in my car.  Driving to some place super nice.  Not dealing with what I am dealing with.  I don’t want to be sitting at my desk typing this.  I want to be on my way to waterfalls and mountains and peaceful feelings along with some good crying.  I don’t want to be worrying about how to convey to the idiot children of mine that there are things they need to do to upkeep the apt we live in.  I need to not be sitting here.  I don’t even know how close the closest waterfall is.  *googles waterfalls* – oh my lawd.  There is one within an hour.  I need to write down the coordinates.

I need to find the space to breathe.  I need a break.