Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again

I am holding in a panic attack. You are not on this plane anymore. You are not here. You are not here. This cannot be my reality now. It can’t be. Because there is a gaping hole and I don’t know how to fix it and I miss you. You have to be here. Please. Please. I miss you. Please. I’ll do anything. Please be here. Please. It hurts without you in the world. I don’t want a vial of ashes, I want your warm hand. Your goofy grin. Your antics. I want you back. Please let me wake up. Please let this be the longest sleep I’ve ever had. It hurts too much. I can’t do this without you. Please.