I was able to reclaim my old diary. It was and remains private. The entries date back to 2006 and end with one entry in 2013. I haven’t been able to read all of it, but I have read through 2006 and a few entries from 2007. I’ve also skipped to different time periods for some specific memories of when I met my boyfriend, then supervisor at a company we both worked for. I’ve been able to share some of those memories with him.
It was interesting to read about the younger me. I remembered the entries being very dark and dismal so, at first, I prepared myself for the worst. And that’s what I got. I recorded problems with different men, about my negative living situation, about different trials I went through. Some parts made me cry and others made me laugh. I actually became very depressed feeling those times all over again.
Today, I made an update of the last eight years. It took quite a while to write. It was another venting, of course.
I wrote a quote some time ago that reads, “Journals are for all the words you want to say but nobody wants to hear.” That’s the part of life that should be kept private.
I’m glad I had a way to keep my thoughts private then and off my desktop and away from wandering eyes. I’m glad I vented about my sad times. I’m sure it helped me. My only problem with it was the time I spent recording these thoughts. It seems that my time, at least most of it could have been spent on more positive activities.
I have suffered many years with Bipolar Disorder. My best guess is it developed when I was a teenager or young adult. I was never on medicine until the last two years or so. I was able to see my erratic behavior and thought processes in these old diary entries and make some sense of them. I still suffer, but I’m in better control now. It still affects my life but not as much as it did in the past. I wrote about thinking I had the condition in 2006 yet I did nothing about it. I’m certain I caused problems for others. That produces a bit of guilt in me. I forgive myself also.
I have several journals I write in almost every day. I do keep these on my desktop. They help me manage. I keep a Mood Chart, a Mood Journal, a Gratitude Journal and then another private journal that is password protected. I keep a handwritten journal to write in when I’m away from my computer. I know it sounds compulsive but each journal has a purpose. My updates are not time-consuming. And there are times when I don’t write in them at all. If they help me manage, they are good for me.
I’m also an avid reader. If I couldn’t read or write, I would not feel whole.
My mood is good today. 😊 I am a warrior. 😎 I look forward to meeting others here.