Cult or synchronicity labyrinth?

Dear Mariah,

It is like this big ring of connected people all of whom have some connected motivation for stealing my time and energy and I am just trying to figure out the puzzle of what is going on and right now as bizarre as it sounds I feel like whatever I let happen to me socially over the years is fine because I would have been happy being alone until I found a real friend anyway. But was being alone going to be the way I would find my true friend or was my destiny, though I may have been in some kind of cult all my life without knowing it where eeeveryyone I connected to was without my ever realising it could happen, a set up, a cult of sorts  but rather than indoctrinating me, they assumed they knew who I was based on some story that had nothing to do with me but I didn’t know that.  My journey in life is one of following synchronicity — Renee: sin chrone is she! She gave me the Celestine Prophecy though which is actually a HUGE key to what is going on: you keep encountering the same perceptions of you and keep getting held in similar cages by people that you have not even met and did not realise were connected, but part of that is you are just happy to wander and interact with whoever shows up along the path of synchronicity and honestly one of the most hurtful things about Renee even though there are so many much worse things and she may actually be evil is that she pretended to be my friend and share my love of *real* synchronicity but I do not inow if she even knew what I was talking about as far as synchronicity: I think her sick twisted sick little psychologist brain thought I was talking about wanting to get laid and this was central to who I thought Renee thought I was for years. My journey has been a spiritual one, not a sexual one, and the synchronicity I hope to be ped to is no worldly power but God. Lately though I have realised a whole lot of people and even David in this house *use* synchronicity to obtain power rather than surrendering and honestly when you do that you always lose in the end, at least karmically, and that is just following related signs and symbols, ehich will take you nowhere or to jail like Renee. I want a friend who loves my heart who I can talk to about the synchronicity of following the heart *with*. Renee helped me sooooo much on my quest to understand synchronicity though it is absurd how she seemed to totally devalue my depth and take concepts of primary importance to me as some kind of sexual thing. Still staying connected to her I think kind of got me closer to understanding synchronicity than anyone so I am grateful for that at least and do not regret it. It is simple that I chose to go through all the energies that were keeping me from the Holy Grail, to walk the labyrinth, figure out the puzzle, because though many of the people who chose to let me into their life were actually keeping me from finding my real friends, I was not ready to get to them anyway, and even if my wholr world was just one classroom in someone’s school where say everyone I interacted with was vetted by Renee before they could get to me, it does jot matter. it does not matter now if no one ever saw me in my uniqueness because the path of synchronicity is a spuritual path and this journey got me a whole lot closer to doing what I have always wanted to do, research and theorise about synchronicity, than being completely alone would have done, and Renee gave me that book. There was no barrier, just following synchronicity through a lot of connected people and energies bent on keeping me down and away from something, but what, my own heart, my own friends, my own heart, my iwn true love? It is a weird day thinking about this Mariah. I love you. I want to go back to sleep.



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