Kissing in schools

I slept deeply, almost too deeply, and I feel a little strange and I am really hoping I can get a new sleep mask to come as soon as possible. I think maybe part of the reason I feel strange is that unfortunately I got a non-smoking room that ended up having a significant odor of smoke which is not the most welcoming way to find a room. Sometimes that bothers me and sometimes not quite as much depending if course on strength of odor and such but I think since I have been sick and without my breathing machine being in smoky rooms does strange subtle things to my respiration.

My breathing is not affected but I feel it somehow after a night of deep sleep like a slight irritability and respiratory exhaustion I wish were not there. I can’t describe it because it is subtle there are no symptoms to speak of that I can verbalise except I know my chest would feel better if I had come to a room with clean air.

This reminds me of a day I went to my mother’s brother’s house for what I think was my grandmother’s birthday (the time they hired a magician whenever that was); the night before I was unexpectedly around smoke, not even really close, but it felt kind of like this except with more post-nasal drip. I feel a little bit irritated in my lower chest but nothing like that yet.

Lately I run into huge swaths of people smoking around me too and I think the idea (eew) is to take the playbook on how to destroy my life from the show I used to watch with my not-uncle: the IT Crowd. Remember the scene where Jen goes to her dead boss’ funeral and they play a video of him that he made in the event of his passing where he makes the assumption that cigarettes have killed him? He talks about how much he likes them and makes Jen want to start smoking again! For some bizarre reason since so many people who hate me are apparently under the impression that I am a smoker and addicted to cigarettes (???) they think they can use that to hurt me.

That happened at Union Station in Glendale (which by the way is a very historic site in Mexican history). As a side note: I am soooo happy with how horrified the white supremacist psychiatrist that I hope I got arrested (not Calica but some white-haired guy though she should be gone too) was when I shouted ” ¡¡¡Viva México!!!!” from my room. He said WHO WAS THAT, WAS IT TREVOR? A kinder nurse asked me gently if I was the one shouting “Viva México” and shut my door. Someone told him it was me and immediately he said “Oh [expletive]” like my shouting Viva México on that floor was the biggest threat of all and that actually feels really good. Right after that someone put on his Mexico shirt and then after it seemed clear to me that this criminal was no longer on that floor someone watched the results of the Mexico World Cup game with me forva few minutes and as he left said “[expletive] happens.” I think I got him good and gone and that feels sooo good especially considering the centrality of Glendale to Mexican history!

Anyway… this probably fake hippie seeming guy talked to everyone really loud about how taking the Greyhound always made him want to smoke and then like 20 people started smoking thinking I would be appetized by the smell like Jen or something, but like, eww!

The ride was horrible: it took all sorts of safety precautions to get me safely out of Glendale because I do think I was a target and someone could have tried to get that bus in an accident. My first driver out of Glendale was great, some of the drivers were horrible and discriminatory, especially my driver from Dallas to Memphis. Drivers talked about throwing people off the bus for the least reason (Greyhound seems to have become a very disability averse and unfriendly company these days and I do not trust whoever owns it). They were trying to lure me into smoking on the bus or something so I would fet kicked off! Another strategy, believe it or not, was putting what I sm pretty sure were laxatives in my fries or drink in Dallas and then making a rule no going #2 in the bathroom. They need to be soooooo much more accommodating for disability, they werw absolutely horrible except for that first driver who got me out of Glendale with all sorts of creative decoys.

They also ordered a new bus because the one meant to transport me out of Glendale had ‘broken down’ (I had to wait more than another hour when I hadn’t rested in days but it was worth it for the sense of safety I felt with this driver). After that, though, there were various times I could have been off the bus for no actual reason. People apparently thought if everyone was smoking around me it would make me want to break a rule because they apparently have been fed this lie that yay I am on the verge of dying from smoking! But um… honestly tobacco doesn’t smell good out of the blue and is just eww when forced on me outside a sacred container, and even the tobacco part of the ceremony at my ayahuasca retreat was uncomfortable. Smelling smoke like that just makes me want to get as far away from it as I can… most of the time… though there was that skell of clove smoke at the AERO Conference, for example.

Anyway, I feel like I need to legally defend myself everywhere I stay or they will try to get something out of me that isn’t theirs to take. At 7:54 last night I went down to the front desk and told the guy who had been a lot more friendly than I expected, at least on the surface, that I wasn’t complaining about the room but wanted to let him know it smelled like smoke. They probably know this but sometimes you have to say it or else they will pretend they didn’t and you’re to blame. He just smiled and said don’t worry, you won’t be charged, but despite his apparent friendliness before, I did not believe him. I was too exhausted to insist that he make a written note of the fact but I know what time that conversation happened and they can check their cameras if they want to get me on that.

Everyone who tries to take things from me seems to get in trouble so I don’t know why everyone keeps doing it and usually over a few measly pennies too. Generosity begets generosity and for some readon never have I encountered so many people intent in ripping me off. There is a burn hole on the sheets, too. I should have photographed it last night but I will do it now.

Oh, it was also so fishy that when I got in the elevator to go back up to my room someone entered and was smoking in it despite the no smoking sign. It is like they are encouraging me to break rules but I got a non-smoking room TYVM!!! At least it is Tennessee and if they do try to steal my deposit in this manner I do not see them being able to take much more than that as last I heard at least tobacco laws here are pretty lax. I guess how they treat me when I leave will make a bug difference in how I trust the world out there and I hope the hotel staff believe in karma because it’s coming one way or another and if I leave here feeling like not *everyone* wants to steal pocket change from me that could only benefit them in the long run.

I really feel like an undercover cop lately: it’s like I am Midas except the twist is everyone who touches me gets in trouble. I don’t know why they keep doing it.

Other than that and as usual not being able to get the TV to work the room is pretty decent: equipped with a bathtub with really hot water, a microwave, a refrigerator, and a couch (kind of surprising for being one of the cheapest hotels in Nashville at least according to availability last night).

Last night I dreamed I was with high school classmates and back in school again though I don’t remember exactly who was there. I remember having a VERY important point to make though that I wanted everyone to hear: in my dream I was sooooo frustrated that nobody ever kissed at school. I mean, my old local public high school. It makes sense at Mass Academy with only 40 kids in my class but the school before that? It is true: there was a lot of petty violence, sometimes covered up, sometimes not, but I don’t recall having a single memory in school of seeing anyone kiss!!! I guess this stuff happened behind the scenes but never in front of me and in my dream last night I was passionate about it like it was almost a justice issue. Kids kiss at school all the time on shows like Boy Meets World but is that real, do kids actually kiss and get romantic at school? I never went to that kind of school anyway. I wish I had: my school was not the stuff high school sitcoms are made of but then again, how many are? I actually want to understand.

I might have seen a tad bit of romance or kids would say they were dating and maybe hold hands or get close but I don’t remember seeing anything like that happen out in the open and that is so bizarre to me now. In this dream I tried to convince students and teachers alike that this was such a strange school where you couldn’t even catch anyone kissing but nobody seemed to hear me. Later we went outside and I started flying reeeeally high and i was sortbof like look at meeee but I don’t know if anyone noticed though they were hubdreds of feet below me. It was fun though in a second I fell immediately and gentky back to earth.

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