My last days in the cabaña

I woke up bright and early this morning and cooked up some spaghetti! I went to the coffee shop down the street and asked if they had smoothies because I was really wanting one the other day but they didn’t have one. They didn’t have smoothies but I had an iced manzana chai which was just as delicious as a smoothie could be and drove down to Ceragem. It was busy this morning. They were giving some kind of presentation. First thing in the morning it felt a little like a Catholic Church: people shaking hands and saying buenos días, someone sitting on the right side of me wearing a cross around her neck, someone on the left side commenting on my book and then talking to me about the Book of Genesis. The one not written by Phil Collins, et al, I mean. It was another really helpful session both for my physical back and for whatever toxins have been stuck in there. I think some of the stuff going on in my back kind of got resolved while I was sleeping last night but there is still a lot more to process and it was such a relief today and made such a difference because I don’t really know what else could get into my back and move energy like that. I don’t think I have had massages that do it or at least I haven’t had that kind of a massage in a really long time. I have so few days left to look forward to going to Ceragem.

When I left I drove to the beach and I spent a couple hours swimming and then lying on the sand and soaking up in the sun and swimming again. I think one of the things I miss about going to the beach is lying in the sand and for some reason I have not done that too much but today I remembered how going back and forth between the water and lying on the beach is so helpful. The beach cleared me out even more and now I feel a hundred percent better than I did last night. Some of the waves were really big today and I kind of felt like I could keep swimming all day but after a while I thought I would leave to spend the afternoon maybe studying Spanish and then I thought maybe I would go back to the beach tonight. When I left I decided to try Falafel Comida Israel for the first time and it was absolutely delicious! That was such yummy falafel and then there was a salad bar and mmmh the eggplant and jalapeño were so good together. For dessert it was malabi and the moment I tasted it I kind of forgot if I had ever had another dessert in my whole life. The whole meal could not have been better. I feel bad that I didn’t leave a tip because she didn’t ask me about it before I signed and completed the transaction and you can’t add a tip after the fact. She said “no pase nada” and I told her I felt bad but I didn’t have cash with me but she assured me it was fine in a way that felt like she really meant it. I would really like to go back there before I leave anyway, it was just so good. It’s not all vegan but there are some good vegan options. I have been eating out maybe a little more often but I didn’t end up deciding to eat out *all the time* because I want eating at restaurants to feel special and I don’t want to start getting bored with the options.

I was reading reviews of Falafel Comida Israeli online and someone was saying it was a great option for vegan food that they didn’t find much vegan food here in Ensenada. It seems like that’s something that people write in online reviews sometimes and it doesn’t really make sense to me because there are quite a few places with delicious vegan food here in Ensenada. I hope there will be more when I come back but there are enough that I never got bored with the options I had available to me at vegan restaurants over the course of three months and since a lot of these reviews are in English I am guessing they are by people who only spent a little bit of time here and if you’ve only got a week or two here in Ensenada there are all sorts of things to try. Maybe these reviews are by people from a part of Southern California that has vegan restaurants all over the place or maybe they wrote these reviews a few years ago and there weren’t as many vegan options then. Sana Vegana was the only place where I asked about when they opened and they only started at the beginning of the year so maybe some of these other places are pretty new too (which gives me hope that there could be a lot more in the not so distant future). At the same time I’m also hoping these places don’t go out of business because usually when I eat at these places I don’t see a whole lot of others there.

I got back and I started studying a little bit of Spanish and then Rosalba came out and started talking to me. I don’t know. She told me she had someone book on AirBNB for a month right after I leave. She said she is hoping I can come back to Mexico and stay longer and it was a really nice little chat. She said she thinks that you can stay for 6 months and if you cross into the US and come back your 6 months starts all over again but there is a neighbour who would know better. She told me that Sarah just left for Germany for something related to her studies and little did I know she studies philosophy. She was surprised we had never talked about that and was kind of like, you need to talk more, and I was like, yeah! Alejandro is leaving soon, too, three months away, doing some kind of service and I didn’t quite understand but Rosalba doesn’t either since they don’t have that in Italy. It sounded like something he is doing to prepare for being a lawyer, if I heard her right, which I didn’t know he wanted to do — if I were him I would stick to what he’s doing now: teaching surfing, walking dogs, and teaching swimming to little kids! That sounds like the life! And it also suits him so well. Honestly it’s a little bit surprising that he wants to do law!

I’m kind of sad. I don’t really understand why but it feels like a lot of things all at once. I’m sad about leaving. In so many ways Ensenada is so peaceful and I am going to miss it. I don’t know how I am going to adjust to the culture back in the US (especially considering my experience last time I was in Las Vegas but thankfully I am going to a very different part). I was a little bit stressed out today just thinking about it. I also really love Rosalba’s family and I have been so afraid of being accepted but I have felt so loved and accepted and it is hard to leave something like that. I really would love to come back to the cabaña but I would really like to come back with a friend who might like to do a deep immersion in Spanish with me. Yesterday I was thinking about the Evanescence song Bring Me to Life in terms of my Spanish: I want to find someone who feels emotionally connected to Spanish or who *wants* to feel emotionally connected with Spanish and I feel like when I find the right space where I can speak Spanish and feel like someone around me loves speaking it and being with me is a benefit to them as much as being with them for to me it will really feel a lot like that song. Spanish sometimes really and truly feels like the answer to everything stuck in my heart… as soon as whatever this block in my heart is dissolves I’m really and truly like “Qué diablos, estoy hablando español!!!” As soon as I am speaking Spanish this block in my heart dissolves. One way or the other, it has so much to do with Spanish, and it’s not just that I have an emotional connection to it, it seems that I can’t live without it…

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