I’ve been thinking about family lately. My family. I’ve failed miserably as a family member. I sometimes wonder if I have some sort of social dysfunction. I probably do. I think it’s culminated over years of poor choices and indifferent role models. I’ve always wanted the big family that interacted and connected with one another on a regular basis. And somehow I’ve got crickets. Those poor lonely cricket souls making noises into the night. Here I am. Where are you. Can I change the dynamics? I don’t know. Do I want to change the dynamics? Only if I don’t have to change. That’s right. I want everyone around me to suddenly alter their behaviors. But not me. Never me. Recently went to another state and met new people. And I had fun. I was surrounded by people who were family and I could relax. Even my daughter said I looked happier than I had in a long time. Sure, get me out of an environment where I’m not totally disinterested and I do well. Keep me locked up with someone who oozes dissatisfaction with everything and everyone and I creep inwards until there’s nothing left but an outer shell that cannot reflect light. I am matte.