Today is my 8 year wedding anniversary.. please read!

Today is my 8 year wedding anniversary and I am spending it alone. My husband walked out on me, I don’t know where he is at. Let me rewind so you can understand a little more. Back in August my husband was working at his job and he wasn’t even in the car. And this random guy we don’t even know hit our car. It should have been a simple fix, this man pleaded with my husband not to report to our insurance company because he could lose his job. My husband gave him “the benefit of the doubt”. Well we are Christian’s and I understand how hard it can be for people, people make mistakes but.. anyways my husband came home and told me he made a deal with this man. I was a little upset because this is my car too and it wasn’t a little bump or anything. I am reasonable and I understand that people hit cars, I don’t car about dents and things like that but this was our whole bumper that needed to be replaced a 2,000 fix. This is the first car my husband and I got together after 7 years. I was pretty upset but felt like we pay so much for insurance every month this man should pay. Before my husband even spoke to me about the issue in person. He immediately accused me of not being Christian or willing to give because I wanted the guy to pay for it and report to insurance.  I feel like what’s the point of paying insurance every month if we don’t use it? We are not rich or middle class people, we live on the poverty line but just enough over to not receive food stamps. The car is the one nice thing we own and it took a long time to get for our family.

So after he starts assaulting my character in Christ, I become defensive. I would of even have been willing to considered doing what he wanted to do if he had spoken with me about it and had a conversation with me. So anyways my husbands goes about his business with this random stranger and they continue with the deal they decided to do without my consent. We argued about this for days he finally admitted that he should of called me first when the accident happen and we should of decided together how to handle the situation with the man. He apologized to me and said we can come up with another solution. I told him we can continue doing this his way but I there needs to be some kind of time limit for this man to pay because it a big amount of money I feel like he would just skip out on us. I also told my husband if he does, I have a right to be mad because if we would have just reported it to insurance in the first place this wouldn’t have been coming between us. Anyways.. my husband calls the man and tells him he didn’t discuss this with me (his wife) and ask if he could pay us by a certain date the man agreed, and my husband told his man he was counting on him. Well this man did not pay and I was upset. My husband understood my frustration and I felt  angry because my husband put us in this situation and were still paying off the car.. I wish he would of handle this more maturely and included me.

Fast forward to now, we got into an argument last night because I told him I feel like he makes impulsive decisions. We somehow got back into this car situation and he started saying the reason the man didn’t pay is because its my fault. I asked if he seriously felt that way, and he said yes. I told him its not my fault that man dipped out. He said if I never, made him call the guy back he would of paid. I felt totally upset at this point, is he serious? Mind you this is my “Christian husband” he legit started screaming at me and told me its my fault. What’s crazy is I don’t even blame him for the situation because I tried to be graceful about it even though I was really angry. Yet, he is blaming me. That hurt me so bad I feel like a random stranger he doesn’t even know can come into our lives and if he handles the situation incorrectly he takes it out on me. I am his wife I feel really emotionally unprotected by him. This really broke and hurt my feelings he has a history of putting my feelings second and blame me for things that we shouldn’t even be fighting about. Anyways..

Today is our 8 year anniversary and he brought me chocolates, and had been hanging out with me but completely avoids how he hurt me last night. I legit had an emotional break down I couldn’t control my crying and he didn’t bother to realize that maybe he was wrong. We started talking about this situation again today I told him it really hurt me because it isn’t my fault. And he says he sorry but still stands by what he said because I am controlling. I told him we can’t even have this conversation because he just walks out, never gets resolved, or he just gets really angry and blames me. I don’t know where he gets this blame game from? I tried to tell him that really broke me inside if he really thinks of me this way and he doesn’t seem to care its like I need to do something. I don’t why my husband hates me so much its like there are two different people in there. One day he is really nice, says sorry, he understand my feelings, he will keep his word, and won’t do it again. Then he gets really mean over something simple, says I’m selfish, starts screaming, calling me names, and using my depression and anxiety against me. I know I am being emotionally abused, as I am writing this he walked back into the house after being gone for about an hour and he just ignores me. Its our 8 year anniversary and all I wanted was for him to accept me and realize I’m not this evil person he thinks I am. I feel like he doesn’t know me he assumes the worst about me and than fights with me like child. I feel stuck.. he just walked in our room and is just ignoring me like this is normal for him and I am in internal pain. I don’t what he wants from me, I just want him to talk and treat me with respect. I feel like when he makes mistakes he has to have me take part in it somehow. He can’t just say sorry like I have to take equal part in it. I understand I make mistakes but when he crosses a line he doesn’t realize how mean he is.. he has even told me he hated me before like almost a year ago. And he wants me to let him lead us to the Lord, I’m hesitate to trust him because he just flips on a dime.

3 days ago he was telling me how much he loves me and I told him before how he just gets really mean. He said he would work on it but he is in that mindset where EVERYTHING is my fault. I can’t even have a real conversation with him. I would love to get through these things as adults but he is holding on to anger and blames me for everything and I don’t have that mindset I don’t blame him for shit. I have questioned if my husband is bipolar.. Please comments will help, I feel so alone and can’t believe this is how we are spending our 8 years together.