The beginning to no end

Dear diary

The morning used to be my best part of the day, There was always a good happy buzz around the house. There would be Adam getting a shower and I just like clockwork he would be walking from the bathroom to his bedroom stark bolacked naked just as his elder sister was coming out of her room, ADAM cover your self up!!!! Adam would just disregard her and carry on with his morning routine, Mason was always the first down in the kitchen having his breakfast. Amy was the first to leave for school and not long after me mason & Adam would set of. Then one day everything changed that day my family was blown apart. One by one we all fell into darkness alone confused this was the beginning to no end.

The morning became my hate, with each passing day they got harder to get up, until I just stopped getting up at all because I knew once I was up I will spend the day making myself do things,  pointless things that I don’t really want to do the washing, cleaning & cooking. The everyday chores that someone has to do and that someone is ME. Everyone in the house treats me like a gofer, Go fetch me this, Go fetch me that and After years of the same thing day in day out I have had enough I felt like a house Cleaner. A dam robot that had been programmed for the same dam routine every faking day. NO MORE enough is enough I am your mother your wife and need  HELP.  ……………………………. Too late everyone was gone. Sometimes, in fact,  most of the time It’s like I’m not really there, I’m stood in my living room where everybody else is going about their business, kids playing,  tom reading the paper.   TV on too loud, and I am talking    “SHOUTING”     and no one is listening can they actually hear me I am beginning to think no one can actually see me. Am I  actually here or is this just another dream. IT starts to getting stuffy in the room and the air turns stale I open my mouth to shout to scream but nothing comes out,  I feel like I’m suffocating my breathing becomes shallow and time seems to stand still, My brain won’t focus I can think straight nothing seems to make sense.  As I try to work out what the hell am I doing here in this room, my palms become sweaty and as I go to wipe them on my clothes I realize somethings is not right so I look down and  realise that I am naked, Stood bare for all to see and yet nobody in the room has noticed, There still going about their business, I can feel my heart beating its pulsating through my body the air is stale and my mouth is dry, as an overwhelming feeling of fear takes hold of me I begin having a Panik attack It’s like been suffocated,  and I can’t think straight I don’t now who the hell I am anymore It Is like my brain is shutting down.  Not knowing what else to do or how to get out of the room! …….   I wake up with a jolt gasping for air as my eyes dart uncontrollably around in the dark my body cold and wet through with sweat, I gathering my thought as I establish where I am my eyes scan my bedroom but I cannot see much as it’s all in the darkness. there  is not a sound in the house everyone is sleeping or so I think till I look to the side of me, I think my heart misses a few beats as I  jump out of my skin as I see Amy stood there ” you OK mum you were having one of those dreams again” Amy is the only one that hear me so I asked her to wake me before I wake the two boys up n scare them to death, even though they say your not suppose to wake people from a nightmare  I     would  rather be woken than be in that living nightmare a minute longer.

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