Just a Thursday

From the idea of writing every day, I already skipped 2 days. But ok, there was a reason so, not the end of the world. Maybe even better cause not sure if I would have something to write.

Today, I want to continue investigating the “bad” habits and maybe “a solution” how to break them. I couldn’t remember really from the seminar what we learned how to break them, have some ideas here and there, but, I decided to ask people.

I asked, in my case, how do I change a habit that satisfies all my 6 needs. Here is what I got, and I’ll try to answer/think about those.

Step 1. Identify all the reasons why you MUST make this change.

Step 2. Identify all the reasons why you CAN make this change.

Step 3. Then associate pain to NOT breaking the habit – what are the negative consequences and how will you feel in 6 months, 12 months, 3 years, 5 years if you don’t. Really envision and FEEL that.

Step 4. Associate pleasure to breaking the habit— how will you feel if you succeed? What emotions will you experience from making a different choice? FEEL those feelings.

Step 5. Decide! And immediately take action to change the habit.

Interrupt the pattern by getting leverage on yourself with the above steps and when you notice yourself about to do the thing, change your state immediately. Replace with a more empowering pattern.

This is gold! The best thing is, if you just do it, sitting down, thinking about it, it actually won’t have such a huge impact as it did on the seminar, because Tony Robbins knows how to get you in the right state for this to work. You need to really do the work of envisioning the pain of still doing the bad habbit. This he calls the Dickens process. There is a video on YouTube I plan to go through, but, I can’t do it in a coffee place (yes, I am here again). You need to be alone in a place where you’re not interrupted.

What my “problem” is now, is that I don’t actually see this coffee drinking as such a huge problem. So what, I go for a morning walk, then sit and drink coffee or two in my favourite coffee place. Is that habbit really that bad? Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me, maybe it is, but for now, I think I won’t focus on that one. There are many others I should probably “fix”, or better say change first; me not exercising, eating too much, feeling alone, unloved, ignored by people who I thought “friends”. That one is big. I need to change my meaning and my focus around this because it keeps on killing me.

After my fiancé died, I kind of thought out friends will get me through it. When our friends dissappeared l, I thought MY friends will not do that. Ohh how I was wrong. My expectations were high I guess, even though I still don’t think so. I didn’t ask for help. I didn’t cry non stop and bring everyone around me down. I didn’t talk non-stop about him. But, I probably did something that people around me just didn’t like. And because of Covid and all this shit, people changed so much, they no longer want to do anything that doesn’t suit them in the slightest. Which in any other context is fine. But when your friend (at least I had an idea I was a friend) is going through such a tragedy, loss, pain. And you were invited to the wedding. Heck, you were supposed to be my maid of honor, geez l, shouldn’t you be there for that person? Especially knowing I don’t have family to lean on. I only had friends. Or I thought so……… Sad. Still shocks me, still bothers me, but, realising that there is nothing much I can do about it. It is taking all the energy for me to try and focus on something else, on myself, on work. But, being completely and utterly alone, after being with this amazing, beautiful person 24/7, 366 days a year, is just soul crushing. And I convinced myself I am unlovable, it is just my fate to forever be alone and with no friends. And “it will always be like that!”.

Talking about limiting beliefs huh?! I am trying to change that.

Let me try; I am lovable, common Zee, you had this amazing guy, who loved you so freaking much and showed you how much he loved you every second of every day. He thought you what real love is, how amazing he thought you were, “best thing ever”, beautiful, special – so if such an amazing, hot, kind, beautiful man loved you – how can you say you are not lovable. 

You are amazing friend. You’re an interesting person, have many hobbies, live to talk about so many different topics, have good listening skills, you’re caring, kind, giving, fun. You are adventurous, love to travel, live to be in company of people, hang out just to talk, hang out and do different activities, love music, all kind, love to go to the movies, concerts, museums, opera, outdoors, skydiving or just walking in the park. You don’t smoke, don’t do drugs, you always find time for other people and have tons of understanding (maybe even too much). You would do anything for your friends, love to make them feel special and loved. 

So, it won’t always be like that, you deserve to be loved and surrounded by lots of people who consider you their friend.

Heh, that was interesting. I do feel better.

Funnily enough, I actually did exactly this when I was trying to find new love. And, it worked. After around two weeks of me DECIDING I deserve love and going to have someone amazing eventually, I met my fiancé. At this dame very place I am sitting in now. By pure crazy chance. The story is just wow. Maybe I’ll write about it too one day. But, it works!!! Just have to believe I deserve it, I am worthy, enough, and Feel it in my bones. I think I can do that. Or no, I CAN do that, I did it before. And even if I didn’t, I just know I can do it again. Hmmmm, this feeling is amazing, I do have a smile on my face.

Maybe there is something to this journaling. My love would be proud of me. So, to end this for now, and to leave you with one thought:

“All change starts with you!” 

Zee

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