Today is the first day of the rest of my life cliché. But, let me try get into that mindset. Just finished Tony Robbins UPW 23 and although I don’t think it did A LOT for me. I’ll keep trying to find the benefit and try to change. The idea is to journal about this. And, that is the first TRY. What do I mean…? Well, I don’t usually stick to journaling (notice, I almost written NEVER STICK To, but I guess I realised or, better yet, learned that word have meaning), so, CHANGING that too. I have one journal that spans more than 10 years because I maybe have a day or two each year. Also, I’ve just put a smiley face laughing here and deleted it. Why? If I ever decide to write a book, books don’t have emoticons, so, good for me, planning ahead, right?
So, the first thing that I wanted to address was my understanding, or lack of, myself. My beliefs, values. WHY do I do the things that I do? Honestly, I don’t have any idea. Never thought about it too much. “It is just me!” “It is just the way I am!” So I guess, It is possible to change. Find your patterns, make your life better by consciously directing your life. So, a first thing is awerness. Let me start.
I’m sitting in my favourite coffee place, Toscana, drinking, now, my second coffee. I learned yesterday that we should avoid coffee, milk (dairy in general). So I started to think. I should avoid doing this. It costs me money, it’s not good for my body, I usually buy some beautiful baked goods in a bakery next to thew coffee place, so, again, money, terrible for my body, but I still do it. Almost every freaking day. Why? So, I decided to think about it, journal about it to try and understand it, to be able to change it. One step a a time.
Everything we do, apparently, we do to either get pleasure, or to avoid pain. We have our “core needs” that we need to satisfy, no matter what. And if we satisfy more needs, the thing we do, it becomes a habit. There are 6 core needs:
Let me try and understand why “I neeeed to get my morning coffee fix” every day, even if my brain understands it is not exactly good for me.
First. I think (my BELIEF) is that coffee makes me perform better, makes me awake. I think I convinced myself it tastes good (it doesn’t always but I ignore it). I also think that it is good for me. I love the place where I drink it. There is a very nice waitress here, and we always have a good chat when she’s here. I feel special, more than all the people here, I feel like I belong. Also, I am not “stuck at home in my four walls” that constantly remind me I am alone. I can “escape” all the work I need to do by convincing myself “I am doing something productive (like writing this journal), because I’m on my phone and I am catching up”. I also get pleasure and comfort if I go and get food. Or get that social fix I need so much if I am here with someone and just chatting. What else? Hmm, I feel better because it reminds me I am not that bad and unloved as I am. Not the only one sitting here alone. Wow. I wasn’t even aware of that. But why do I drink 2 coffees instead of 1? Because I guess I have a belief I can’t just use up the whole table by myself and not drink anything. And even when I drink 1 coffee, I can be here for 2 hours and I feel like that 1 coffee is not enough to “justify” me sitting here alone for so long. Crazy! And also, said it multiple times to that nice waitress that the coffee that she makes is tons better than the other guys, so, I guess I am confirming that when ordering two when she works. And I guess the last thing I can think of is, I feel like “I deserve it” because I make myself walk each morning, as part of my decision to move more and do at least 10 000 steps each day (now in my 2nd months of successfully doing that, yay, learned that we need to celebrate us too so, yay). So, I walk, and then I guess I “celebrate myself” by treating myself to coffee. Which is not actually the best treat for me, right? Huh. Some interesting things here for sure… Soooo… What are the needs all of this satisfies in me to keep on doing it?!?
I think one is certainty. The place is always here. It is my “routine”. I know it will make me feel good.
Second is alsa uncertainty. I never know if the waitress will be there or not, who I’ll meet. Maybe something interesting will happen. I’ll learn, hear something new (gossip, or a new information about my neighborhood).
Third. Maybe significance too? I feel special and privileged because I grew up here. I’ve been here since this building with its caffe was just a huge swamp-like area, nothing here. I’m like “a native” here. And because the waitress treats me special, I feel better. I also met my fiancé here, so it hold a special place in my heart. And it will forever as he died. I lost him almost 2 years ago. He died in my arms, 3 months before our wedding. It killed me. We were living in a different country. So after it happened, decided to move back. Went back here, “my hone” and I guess this plays a huge part in me feeling significant here….
That also brings me to the next need. Love/Connection. I think I covered it more than enough on the other 3. Definitely it fills my need for love and connection.
The last one I would say, maybe not too much. But there is also probably some growth and contribution, at least in my (silly, stupid?) head? Growth, kind of, I learn a lot when here alone. I read, listen to podcasts, it kind of “gives me time” to do the things for myself which for some reason I avoid doing at home. Weird. Also, meeting people, I feel like I grow as a person because I have a bit bigger circle of “friends”.. Better say acquaintances. Contribution too. I contribute to the “local business” buy giving them my money. I am afraid what will it do tk me if they close one day, so I feel like “I have to contribute” to keep them open. Wow, crazy. Or no, better say interesting. Writing all of this, putting it on a piece of paper (or phone), just getting to think of it and putting it out of me is giving me huge insight.
Now. Wow. This actually satisfies all of the core human needs for me. Some more, some less, but each in part. No wonder I keep doing it. Haha, I need to do it with each part of my life now, each thing that keeps me stuck in a life I don’t want. Wow.
The next step is, I have to work on how to change that. It is possible. We did it on the UPW. I just need to go through my notes, or ask on FB group HOW to do it. But just this awareness is a huge deal to understand WHY DO I DO THE THINGS I DO. Unbelievable. Great. I actually feel energized. Ok, it could be my second coffee kicking in now. Now to pay, damn, and to go home and see what’s next.
Let me see if I can stick to this. Unfortunately, this is now another thing I’ll use to convince myself now that coffee place is good for me because I am doing so thing productive here. Honestly, I don’t think I would do this at home. But maybe again, that is the belief that doesn’t serve me and needs to be changed. I also probably have so many written mistakes as I was writing it on my mobile, which I usually hate, but, I’ll re – read it later and correct.
This was amazing.
Whoever reads it, hope you gain some insight as well, but probably it will be more useful when I start breaking the bad habits, so, stay tuned.
Be a blessing and you will be blessed,